Antonio's entry in the Nantucket Tourism Board's booklet for local poets:

Waiting for a fare
Here comes one now
Oh, he looksa like he wants to go
some-a-place far
What? You just want directions
to the lighthouse?
It's right there
you stinking little tourist!
What are you--blind?!
Hey! You're gonna lose that finger pal!
Get in! I drive you
into the cold, dark ocean!
Waiting for a fare...
And come back soon

LOL Wings was such a cute show!!

Witch episode was that? This poem is a top of fantasticality! Antonio Scarpacci is a one supercool cabby!

Antonio, going all humiliated from a singles party: "I'll be BACK! And I know all your names!!"

It was from Blackout Buggins. Hilarious Wingisode.

I just saw another Antonio-ism:

From Wingasode: What The Cabbie Saw



"This is crazy! We are all just sitting in ducks here!"

The next season of Wings is coming out some time in September.

That is GREAT news! Thanks!

Maybe someone knows what finally happened to Antonio at the end of the episode "Dreamgirl" (season8)? In this episode Casey helps him to get a job at the departement store and he's even promoted. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSY2Bfj_7LE)
But the end is ruined by a big fat blabber so I understand nothing, for crying out loud!

More Antonio-isms, thanks to this morning's episode, "Twisted Sister."

Antonio meets Casey, Helen's sister, for the first time. I call this little jewel "smooth talker":


Antonio: Helen, who is that Goddess! She's...she's gorgeous! She's Stunning! Venus in a damp blouse!

Helen: That's my sister.

Antonio: No way!

Casey: (Walks back over) All better! (To Antonio) Hi.

Antonio: looleelaa ollol thpsspft....

Helen: Antonio, this is Casey...

Antonio: haraaraggh!

yvette, I remember this episode, Tony was so funny!!! When he and Lowell go shoulder to shoulder into the restaurant, OMG, and Antonio tries again to speak to Casey and can only stumble terribly like before. Then when he's leaving and can't tear his eyes off of Casey, and walks into the wall, too funny! Tony is an acting genius. It's one of my favorite episodes.

My all-time favorite Antonio-ism is a very early episode (can't remember the name):

Helen: I didn't know you played guitar, Antonio
Antonio: I only started just a little
Helen: Can you play something?
Antonio: Well there is one song I learned in Italy. For years it was the only English I knew
"My goat knows the bowling score, Halleluia....
"Sid's new hair is in the mail, Halleluia....
"Antonio comes to the USA, Halleluia"

Another classic I just thought of was when Helen and Joe were getting married. Antonio gets drunk because he found out Casey and Brian slept together. Antonio grabs Fay: "Okay baby. You don't want Antonio Scarpacci, fine. Here's a little taste of what you'll be missing." The way he acts drunk and kisses Fay is hilarious!!

Hahah... Yes, that was an unexpected twist

I guess my favorite episodes are "Marriage, Italian style/Divorce, American style"

Immigration officer: I see you're planning on doing music, champagne, flowers..
Antonio: Yes, lots of flowers! A feast for the nose! Hand picked! The flowers, not the nose..

Antonio: Helen, please, I will be no trouble. I will be like a shadow. In the morning I will slip out the door, and you will say: what was that? The wind? And I will whisper: no, it is me, Antonio. But I will already be gone, so you won't be able to hear me.

The entire episode The Lady Vanishes is hilarious. Here are some of the highlights:


Ariel Reed: So, when you’re not, uh, reciting poetry, what do you do?

Antonio: Oh, I’m a cab…..inet minister. You know, local government, tariffs, treaties, peace settlements.

Ariel Reed: On Nantucket?

Antonio: Hey! We’re a war-like people!





Antonio: Roy, your passenger list was a complete bust. Not even first names—just initials. Turns out, A. Muchnic had eight, screaming kids and was every inch a “Muchnic.” Here, this one, M. Rossi, was this down-on-his-luck medical instrument salesman, tried to sell me a rib-spreader. From there, it just got spooky.






Here's the funniest scene in the whole episode--everyone's in Joe's office for Antonio's strategy meeting:

Antonio: Come on people! I can’t do this by myself!

Helen: Antonio, it’s late! We’ve been over this a thousand times!

Antonio: And we’ll go over it a thousand more! One!

The whole gang: Antonio meets a beautiful girl.

Antonio: Two!

The whole gang: Perhaps his future wife.

Antonio: Three!

The whole gang: Joe makes him move the stupid cabinet.

Antonio: Four!

The whole gang: And forever ruins his life.

Antonio: All right people—focus! Focus! Now from my conversation with her, we know that she’s…<snaps fingers> Helen….

Helen: A CPA

Antonio: <snaps fingers> Casey….

Casey: With an interest in poetry.

Antonio: <snaps fingers> Brian….

Brian: Who drinks with her left hand.

Antonio: <snaps fingers> Roy….

Roy: And likes to talk about her father.

Antonio: Conclusion…<snaps fingers> Fay….

Fay: We have a smart-ass, south-paw bean-counter with a ‘Daddy’ complex.







Fay: Oh no, look, I’ve had enough. Listen, Antonio, this is your magic moment. Don’t you remember any details, like her hair?

Antonio: Brown.

Fay: Oh, oh okay. What about her dress?

Antonio: Uh, it had flowers on it.

Fay: Ah. How about her shoes??

Antonio: Aw, come on. I’m a man. I mean, what do I know about these things. From what I saw, it was a tan, sling-back pump with a two and a half inch Louis the fourteenth heel and matte gold buckle.

<Vacant expressions from the gang>

Antonio: It’s not like I got a very good look.

Ooh The Lady Vanishes is my another favorite episode! I could watch it a thousand times, it's a great laugh source.

"You Scrapacci?"

Antonio Scarpacci, poet extraordinaire


A couple of seasons later..

I remember that moment from the second pic but I can't remember exactly in what episode it was...

It's from "Burnin' down the house 1"

Thanks! Now I remember it... gosh...writing is a little difficult for me now...and will be for another 10 days (lol even number of days) because I have my right wrist in the plaster...

In Wingasode All's Fare, Jonathon Frakes plays a traveling businessman named Gavin Rutledge, who's looking for a car and driver. Antonio Scarpacci, strapped for cash with the IRS coming after him, uses his sales saavy to close the deal:

Antonio: Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help overhearing. I own a luxurious cab...I know every inch of the island....and people say I'm perky.

Jonathon Frakes: You'd also have to run errands, fed-ex documents, pick clients up at the airport....

Antonio: Say no more! If you need something faxed, I will fax it. If you need lunch, I will make it. If you need a massage....well....I won't give you one. Okay, maybe I will.

Jonathon Frakes: You are perky. How much?

Antonio: Fifteen hundred bucks.

Jonathon Frakes: Fifteen hundred bucks!

Antonio: Hey, for that, I'll take a bullet for you! No I won't. Okay, maybe I will.

Jonathon Frakes: I don't know. That's a lot of money, and I don't get shot at that often.

Antonio: Well, the best does not come cheap. But you know that. From the look of your suit, whatever you're here for is worth big coin. So, you can go first-class and hire me, or some low-rent driver who fed-exes your contracts to the wrong coast and blows the whole gig.

Jonathon Frakes: I like a man who knows what he's worth. <holds hand out to shake, and gives his name> Gavin Rutledge.

Antonio: <shakes Gavin's hand and introduces himself> Antonio Scarpacci. Let's rock and roll.

Customer: Please, all I want is coffee and a donut.

Antonio: I was up half the night, making biscotti FROM SCRATCH!! And all you want is a lousy stinky donut?? Get out of my sight. Go away, shew! Antonio does not serve peasants!

In Fools Russian, Antonio pens a heartfelt letter to a russian mail-order bride:

Dear Svetlana. I feel we have much in common. Like yourself, I have been stevedore in the Merchant Marine. And if I may boast, I too can throw a sixteen pound hammer two hundred feet. I'm sorry you had to destroy your ox, but I admire the fact that you did it with your bare hands.

Antonio stops writing, discouraged that he's "aiming too high."

I am kidding myself! <He crumples up his letter in disgust> This woman is too good for me!

Antonio: You have touched my heart in a way, no-one has for a long long time. Which is why I want to ask you something, (holds her hand) will you come with me to my native Italy? Well? What do you say?

Heather: I'm a hooker.

Antonio (laughs): Beautiful and funny, what a package!

Heather: I'm a prostitute, Antonio.

Antonio: When you say you're a prostitute, you mean that as a PR person you sometimes have to compromise yourself, hey it's the same in the cabby game!

Heather: I mean that men pay me for my services.

Antonio: Me too! Most of my fares are men.

Heather: I have sex with them.

Antonio: That's where we differ.

------

In Portrait of the Con Artist as a Young Man, Antonio plays guitar and sings a song for Casey Chapel:

Fay: What are you doing?

Antonio: Well actually I was just working on a little-a song I wrote for Casey.

Fay: Oh you wrote a song! Oh how romantic! There's not a girl in the world who wouldn't be thrilled to have a song written especially for her!

Antonio: Uh huh. Would you like to hear?

Fay: Oh, please!

Antonio: It goes a little something like this…

<playing guitar>

When I see Casey
I see such charm
I'll win the racey
with her on my arm
When I see Casey
I see it all!
She's satin and lacey
with red hair like Lucille ball

<plunks guitar string>

Like Desi loved Lucy

<plunk>

Like Hepburn loved Tracey

<plunk>

Ella, Count Basie,

<plunk>

Cagney and Lacey

<plunk>

and Donald and Daisy

<big flourish…..>

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

In Wingisode When a Man Loves a Donut, Antonio buys a pair of fine leather shoes. He pays $300 bucks for them after staring at them in the store window for weeks. They're a little snug. The salesman told him that fine leather will stretch, and conform to his feet.


Antonio: Moaning in agony, slowly walking through the terminal clutching at countertops and passengers. He is wincing in pain and bracing himself on every stationary object he can find. He is hobbling around as though walking on a bed of razor blades.


Fay: Antonio, what on earth is the matter?

Antonio: What do you think is the matter?! My feet are on fire! These freakin' shoes made my feet swell so much, I haven't been able to take the shoes off for two days.

Fay: Well you know they say that fine leather has to stretch and conform…

Antonio: Lies! Lies!! I paid a fortune for these shoes! They're…they're just ruining my life. I have a splitting headache, double vision. I've got this little blue line running up my leg.

Fay: That can't be good. Oh, it's a shame. They're so stylish. They really make you look sexy.

Antonio: Sexy? Really? Maybe I'll give them a couple more days.

Antonio to Lowell (who is recording some fatherly advice to his kids): Well, your children are very lucky.. All my father ever told me was: you may not be strong, you may not be smart, but you sure are a hairy little monkey!

In Wingisode B.S., I Love You, Antonio receives a chain letter from Roy who claims the chain letter must not be broken and contains the power of the sun god Ra. Antonio scoffs and tears up the chain letter. He proceeds to experience a string of bad luck. Near the end of the episode, Antonio walks into the airport terminal in tattered clothing and dripping with green paint. He still has a bandage on his nose from a previous mishap involving a squirrel. He is missing one sleeve of his shirt and his jacket, as though he had tried to save a gerbil from the jaws of a shark.



Roy: Whoa!

Antonio: I know what you’re thinking. But it’s nothing to do with the stupid chain letter. It’s all perfectly normal. A pack of wild dogs was chasing me. I ran under a ladder where a man happened to be painting a sign.

Fay: Antonio, are you missing an eyebrow?

Antonio: Pilot light…oven…small flare-up….could happen to anyone.

Not even reading the thread, just bumping down some drek I’m SICK of seeing….



KA23

From Wingisode The Gift, Part II: Here's Antonio's big number in Nantucket's rendition of the play "Phantom of the Oprah", to be performed at the Wharf Playhouse:



Confused
Why am I so confused?
Why can't I be like other men?
Who have no yen
For women who used to be guys?
Why do I like gals
Who were previously my pals?
Why do I like them?
Tell
Me
Why

What a song! I always love to hear TS characters singing. Wouldn't it be great if he released his own album "The Best of Tony" necessarily including Antonio's "sid's new hair is in the mail", Monk's "if ever would I leave you" and other great hits

Oooh! Don't forget the Casey song!

"The Team player" - is a hell funny wingisode!! I consider it one of my favourites. Don't even know what to quote, but here are some pictures: