Can anyone think of any way we as a groups could make things a little less 'dramatic' around here? I know that I have been stressed an I am part of the probem as well...the new season is starting, and I'd like to enjoy this board. So, besides ignoring everyone, what can we do?

Well, if a member of the community thinks of writing something rude in here, he has to think twice. If it's not helping, he has to polish every single light-bulb in the house and if he still wants to talk rude - he has to polish them again... and again...

LOL!!!

Maybe we can keep old grudges out of new posts. Even an allusion to an old grudge, because that will just bring it to a head again.

If there might be a mis-communication send a message to the person in question.

I don't know. This is usually such a cool place to be, but...I just don't know.

I know how ya'll feel, everytime a new season starts, it can get a bit annoying with all these TV show bashers. Oh, sorry, I'm talking negatively aren't I?

Anyway, when somebody says something bad about the show, all I do is say "It's nice to hear your opinion, but I think..." You know, kind of so you're still acknowledging their opinion, but your not being negative or rude about it.

Just a tip.

-chik/Jenny

I agree, Jenny. As you are surely well aware, I am new the board. I expressed my opinion about the season premiere, praising how they handled Dr. Kroger's death, and someone posted a really negative response about what I said. It is perfectly fine if someone disagrees with me, but it is NOT right to be rude in the process. Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and no one should have the right to put someone else down.

What can we, as a community do...

Issue people hunting permits. I'm telling you, it would work.

-M

Paint ball?

Maybe....changing the subject??

Mi

It appears I must have missed something really interesting. I've been hit and miss on the board with internet problems for the last 24 hours -- so I'll have to get caught up on all of what happened.

My two cents --

Disagreements are OK -- we're allowed to disagree. We're even allowed not to like an episode or two, and we're entitled to an opinion that certain things may have been done better. (Although if someone is highly critical of every episode, you have to wonder what they're doing here.) Fights and grudge matches turn me off.

I think the key is to respect the people who disagree with you, and insist that posters show respect for each other -- a lot of good dialogue and learning comes through these experiences, and sometimes you find out that people are not the ogres which they first appear to be. A little tolerance to people whose rough edges rub you the wrong way can help too -- as can a quickness to apologize when you realize your words, intending to mean one thing, were taken in a way that someone finds offensive. It also helps to develop the maturity to have a discussion without having to "win."

On other sites, I've seen threads specifically dedicated to 'letting off steam.' They seem more like boxing rings -- and some of these fights have really made me crack up --

After all, you know what they say about winning a fight on the internet...

I cant think of anything to make it more likeable here...we are all entitled to an opinion but sometimes I have noticed that some posters have gotten nasty..I just dont see why...you know it's just a show...

I guess we have to tollerate some things that we cannot change...but sometimes someone could come in to be the "voice of reason" to settle things if they get out of control...

That's my two cents...

I think that the best thing I could do for this community is lurk.

What she said times 10. I'm still all for a thread called 'OUTSIDE' specifiucally for where to take any fights you want to have.

Also, try to keep on topic, both for the board and for the thread you are posting on.

And I realize I should be take my own advise here, but when something pisses you off, get away from the computer, take a walk and cool off.

You don't have to agree with everything everyone else says, you don't have to like every episode, but say so once in a polite manner, and move on. Harping on it doesn't make your points or your opinion any more valid than the first time you said it and certainly won't change anything.

Having said that, my deepest apologies for going off on the 'Buys A House' thread.

Hmm, you know this bboard is actually pretty tame compared to some I've seen.

Maybe not typing exactly what you are feeling (and will regret having said later). Trying to tone it down, if it will keep the peace.

And, er, not responding when someone tries to bait you. Hmm. Need to take some of my own advice....

God, this is nothing compared to some of the writers boards I'm on.

I need to take your advice, desperately. I'm easily baited when things are chaotic at home and my stress level is through the roof. lol. I'm guilty of both things you mentioned. I hope everyone accepted my apology. It was so nice and peaceful in here for so long. And here I was, just recently, drooling over the silver creeping in on Ted. I am confident older posters knew I didn't mean any of what I said in that thread--I've said too many times that Ted's a skilled actor, under-utilized in the industry and has yet to be recognized for his past and present performances. I'm sure I made a bad impression on newbies though. What can I say--the little rubber worm on the hook floated past me and I swear he winked at me mockingly. I swallowed him whole. lol. When I've got it coming, I shut my mouth and I take it....and I had it coming. I'm closing my eyes and trying to find my happy place.....

I also would consider not mentioning the "hatchet" which should have been hidden deep within the woods long, long ago...

Well put. That's what set me off.

It would set me off, too, if it were constantly being used...

Yes. I can usually control myself better than that. That was my bad. All I'm saying is everyone has one neighbor they don't get along with--even in the quietest neighborhoods. That's not a problem. It's just that you don't then go to that neighbor's house knocking on their door and running. That's just silly.

A few suggestions to help make things friendlier:

(1) "attack' the idea, not the person. For example, don't say "Silly of you to say so and so." Better to say, "Your suggestion was rather silly/misguided....."

(2) In replying, it costs you nothing --and it might help-- to say, "sorry if this bothers you, but..." or "sorry if I offended you, but....."

(3) good idea to type out your reply on a nice big Word or Text Edit page and then copy/paste it into the reply message box. Easier to read and digest typing and seeing it on the big Word or Text Edit page rather than in the small message box, which you often have to scroll to read.

(4) good idea to read your post over a few times in "Preview" before hitting the "Add Reply" button. Then, beneficial to re-read it right-a-way and edit it if necessary, or even delete it.

(5) also nice to flatter the person (even if you don't mean it). For example, say, "Thanks for your input/concern, but I concluded......" Or, "Interesting, but my take is so and so...." Or, "I can see the benefit of that, but this aspect seems more crucial to me....."

(6) nice to mention the person's name when replying. People like to see their name. But if your reply is pretty negative, maybe best not to mention the name -- just say "I disagree with the post above........."

(7) If unsure about something, you could send a private internal email to the person to clarify something, rather than stirring up a public controversy in error. Often you can correct a person by the same private email if the point isn't very important; why embarrass someone if there is hardly any benefit in airing it publicly.

(8) If someone makes a particularly egregious post attacking someone, another poster can quickly chime in mollifying hurt feelings.

Added: (9) Good idea to preface any criticism of an episode, by saying. "I love the show, but in this episode......" Might keep fans from jumping all over you.

Added: (10) Nice to compliment a poster for a post you agree with. Makes them feel appreciated. ... ... .... Also, if someone put a lot of work and thought into something, I feel compelled to find something/anything nice to say about the post even if it seems pretty worthless. Often I see a long post that someone put a lot of effort into, and the whole world ignores it. Terrible! I am sure the poster is looking back to it later to find a nice comment.

Live in the present.

B.
YES, I am a fan of the Dog Whisperer. LOL

Excellent suggestions. I'd never tell someone their suggestion was silly though. It's just a different way of seeing things and I accept that most people on the planet see things differently than I do. I try to do most of these things. I abhor saying anything to someone that would sound like I'm putting them down or being sardonic. (!) Yesterday I blew a gasket. lol. BTW, is this the same chipe that posts at IMDb?

BTW, is this the same chipe that posts at IMDb?

Yes.



BTW, I am always editing my posts -- there is an 8th point I added after you made your post. No big deal.

Cool--you leave some pretty good posts over there. And I am forever editing my posts as well--nearly every single one. I never see the damn typos until I click Add Reply. Guess it's just the waterhead in me.


Added: And here I go editing again! rofl. Just wanted to say that when I edit in order to add another comment, I put "Added." If it was just for typos or I decided to highlight something already there, I don't bother with that.

We could...
1. pass out free samples of Prozac and Midol?
2. take a deep breath and repeat the mantra, "It's not always about me... It's not always about me..."
3. eat a spoonful of peanut butter. What? Always makes me feel better.
4. gather round a campfire and sing, "My goat knows the bowling score... Halleluja!!"
5. take a goat bowling.
6. hit the 'peace pipe' and pass around the pretzels (I watched 'Rapper' today.)
7. go find a stream or go to a lake, wade out into to water and lay on our back and just float and stare up at the sky, let yourself just drift. Really, very therapeutic.
8. throw darts at a photo of Harold Krenshaw or Linda Fusco.

Any other suggestions?

P.S. This is meant to be light hearted and a joke, I'm laughing at myself too.

"My goat knows the bowling score!"

, except I like Harold.

I'd like to add Karen Stottlemeyer to #8


Oh, and:

Syd's new hair is in the mail, halleluja.....

I like the Monk message board because the U.S.A. Network allows the fans to decide for themselves what subjects they want to post from day to day without restrictions. If a poster wants to talk about last night's episode or play word games, or pretend there in a virtual bar or on a virtual bus that seats thousands with penguins, no administrator intervenes and tells them its off subject and not allowed. I don't normally post, I am a lurker, but I check in often to read what interests me on the board about the show and I even read the posts about members having family problems, insomnia, cancer, jury duty, divorces, women's issues, the death of much loved neighbors, high school banter, member's birthday greetings, ebay stories, recent parolees back outside and dating member's mothers, pet grooming, crushes and sexual fantasies about actors that play fictional Monk characters, financial difficulties, movie reviews of actors on Monk, writer and actor strikes, shipper debates, and lots of pretty darn good fan fiction. There are other message boards that don't even allow games of any sort, only posts about Monk. I don't like everything about this board and some subjects bore me to tears and have absolutely nothing to do with the show. How do I handle it? I just ignore it and don't read it! There will always be fans that feel they have been around longer than others. They deserve to be respected but there always needs to be room for new fans with fresh opinions and perspectives. People leave the board all the time for various reasons, new job, new baby, divorce, illness, or death of a parent or spouse, too busy to stop by the board and post, or simple lack of interest. Sometimes new fans get chased away when others don't agree with their criticism of an episode or of a character. We need to remember that the poster is there because they are a big enough fan of Monk that they have checked out the web site, bothered to go thru the confusion of registering and posting only to get shot down by the others. New fans are an absolute necessity and honest, fresh, well written, well thought out, opinions of the show, writers, characters, and actors, be it positive or negative are always needed and should be respected The posters aren't being paid one red cent. They are working for free and adding interesting stories to the board to be read by fans around the world. Without them, the same group would post the same opinions over and over each week clapping for and handing out gold stars and trophies for less than steller performances. Criticism can be very beneficial in the right context and lead to a better show. This still is America and we still have the freedom of speech and the right to voice our opinions. (I think?) and this is the U.S.A. Network. Censorship is always destructive. Even the negative opinions I have read on this board have been insightful and entertaining. I believe everyone should have the right to post their honest opinions about the show freely (good or bad) without the fear of being dog packed and black balled.

Put on some Cape Breton fiddle music. That gets me going!

Welcome!

It's obvious that you have been lurking for a while -- and so you would also know that this is not a board that easily turns into a dog-packing black-balling group. We have disagreements, and can usually settle them without someone leaving. I've never even resorted to ignoring somebody. If you look carefully, much of the excitement and controvery of the last couple of days is already wearing off.

But don't take the board reaction to one person and generalize it as a trend.

Certainly everyone has the freedom to express his own opinions -- and many have. Others have expressed contrary opinions. There has been no censorship -- none of these posts have been removed.

As far as black-balling -- no one has been kicked out, according to my knowledge. There is no secret thread where we decide who's in and who's out.

But the Monk message board is also a community -- and since the subject has come up as a controvery between "homers" and newbies, let me just say that I have found this to be a very welcoming place, in general, and one of the most friendly places on the internet. While I have not always agreed with every member on every issue, I have made some friends and have been in some interesting discussions.

But, as a community, we can only go so far to make it a welcoming place. I can't speak for everyone here, but strangers who desire to enter our community also have a responsibility. How would you feel if, upon greeting your new neighbor, the first thing he said was, "I hate your fence. I hate the color of your house. This street has really gone downhill. I liked it better when Mrs. Smith lived in the blue house -- before she was replaced by Mrs. Jones. And Mr. Peters will NEVER get together with Miss Johnson -- YUCK! And I'M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION -- SO GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Do you see what I mean? Even if you agreed with the new neighbor on all these issues, he comes across as someone with a chip on his shoulder.

Certainly criticism is allowed. But when you don't know a person, and you hear nothing out of his mouth but criticism, it does not, according to human nature, endear you to that person.

So, since I've already given my advice to the "homers," I'll add some advice to the newbies (and Ramblinman -- this is not directed at you -- I found your statment to be frank but inoffensive -- but to the other newbies I say) --

If you want just want to spout out your opinion -- go right ahead -- no one is stopping you.

But if you want to be a part of the fun here, you're more than welcome, but you might want to bring something to the table besides just insults and complaints.

Tell you what... I'll bring a pie -- if you put on the coffee. It's Monday, and I, for one, could use another cup.

Tone: (since it's hard to tell on the internet) Thoughtful -- I'm just hoping this doesn't turn into a "homer"/newbie war. This is not that kind of a place...

Welcome aboard, Ramblinman!


And now, a couple of other suggestions for what to do when you feel the tension rising-

- turn on some loud, lively music, preferably something from the '80s or something that will embarrass your teenage daughter, grab the first kid or animal not fast enough to get away, and dance, and don't worry about looking silly, because that's the best part.


2- chop up some turtle or iguana salad. I have always found it soothing to cut up veggies into very tiny pieces that I used to feed to Fluffy, my iguana, and now that I have a teeny baby turtle, I feed it to her, and have to cut it much smaller. If you don't have an iguana or a turtle, you might consider getting one to justify the salad. The recipe is simple enough- equal parts carrots, green beans, squash, zuchinni, turnips, and greens, mixed with some alfalfa pellets and maybe some dandelion greens, apples, bananas, grapes, and/or rose petals. Chop all ingredients into pieces smaller than the turtle or iguana's mouth, and if you have a hatchling turtle or iguana, that means extremely tiny pieces. I used to chop up a fresh batch every other day for Fluffy, it kept me very calm and centered, and kept him happy, healthy, well fed and very regular. And he was a very good dance partner as well. Dr. Kroger might have even been tempted to take him to his classes.

Okay, someone tell me I wasn't the only one who, upon first reading, thought you meant to throw the turtle into the salad, instead of feeding it to him.

Liv, I think we're going to need a bigger turtle -- any idea what happened to that 5 foot tall turtle we had hanging around the board, the one that answered to the name of Fred?

OMG, No! I wouldn't eat a turtle. Nonononono...

Yeah, I may need to get a bigger turtle just for my own personal salad chopping purposes. This one is very cute, but very, very, *very* tiny. I'm not sure about it's gender, but I suspect it's a female. Kind of disappointed about that, because I wanted to name it either Atlas or Ambrose. I thought Atlas is kind of a cool name for a turtle on general purposes, but one as tiny as this has added irony. Ambrose is pretty self explanatory.

We had a five foot turtle named Fred? Seriously? I don't remember that.

Honestly, I think we all need to be hardest on ourselves. Don't try to police other poeple's posts. Even suggesting something like post your negative opinion once and let it go is offensive to me. I will post my opinion as often as I like. If I have to read through page after page of the opposing view point, I will not be quiet and let it go. But I do preview my own posts several times before I hit the add reply button and I go back to make sure that what I have said isn't being misunderstood.

Police yourself. That should be the rule of the forum. If everyone does that, there should not be a problem.

For what it's worth, I have no problem with other people having a different opinion, or not loving every episode. There have been a couple that I wasn't absoutely crazy about and at least one plot point in every episode that I found implausable or that even bugged me a little bit, and I have often expressed that on this board. What I take issue with is when people can't express their opinions in an adult, mature manner, like saying, "It was better in season 1 and 2!" rather than "Something seems to have changed, the story lines seem to have become darker, less real, since season 1..." , or try to order the writers to write the show in the way that makes them happy (ex: "Writers, if you are reading this, get back to your old formula!" "...Bring Sharona back!", "...get rid of Natalie, NOW!") or saying variants of , "I didn't like it, they did a poor job/could have done better," rather than pointing out what you had a problem with, and offering a suggestion for what could have been more plausable.

Or variants of "I could have done better." I watch the show because I like it, even if I will happily acknowledge that there has yet to be a perfect script and they don't always get a slam dunk. Even with the inconsistencies and the various sized holes in every script, they have managed to have a top rated original, non-reality series on the air for seven years, they must be doing something hella right.

Besides, a truly talented person shouldn't feel the need to tell everyone they are talented, they should feel comfortable enough to just let their work and their behavior speak for it's self. Isn't the cardinal rule for writing 'Show, not tell'? If you really are that good, you don't feel the need to tell people you are that good, you present them with your work and have the confiedence to let them judge for themselves and you don't try to put yourself up on a pedestal on your peers backs while doing so. I'm not saying a writer can't express their opinion of another writer's work, I'm saying that a writer should strive to be more mature and professional about how they do it, not scornful and belittling. Even non-writers could stand to try to express their opinions without scorning or belittling or just being overly emotional and unnecessarilly harsh.

This post isn't about telling people how or what to post. It's about finding a way to help ourselves (not others) act like adults in a community. Most of this thread has had posters taking a look at our own behavior, and how it is contributing to the hostile atmosphere that has come up in the Monk board recently.

I think you think it's pretty nifty that you're calling out the 'preach police' but we are, actually policing ourselves. No, no one died and left any of us "in charge" but some of us are bothered by what has been going on in this forum. I'm upset because I may have lost a good Monkfriend because I reacted to what I thought was an unfair attack instead of an unintentional reply. I'm just trying to find a better way to go about it than 'reacting' to other people, rather than responding in a way that will calm the situation rather than fan the flames of rudeness that has been prevelent in this community.

I understand that there are going to be people who get off on stirring things up on this board. I'll just have to find the "Ignore" tab so that "they" won't bother me...

No one's being forced to participate in being in a fan community and no one is being forced to watch their words, attitudes or behaviors. This thread is here for those of us who do want to change what we are doing in the community, tho.

Tazzy

Nice. So here you are asking for ways to make the forum more civilized yet you think attacking me is the way to do it. classic.

Don't presume to say that you understand what I am thinking. I am thinking that you say you can respect a differing opinion but you actually can't. You want all threads to proceed in a manner that you find acceptable. Where the people who disagree with you admit that you are right even though they have a different opinion. Where your superiority is proclaimed with every post.

Your problems with Mandeville were created by your inability to police yourself. You reacted out of anger when you should have simply disagreed with him. Don't blame other people for that. That was completely your own fault for attacking him the way you did. And here you are doing the exact same thing again.

I have no problem with anything you want to say as long as you don't presume to attack me when you post. If you are going to insist on attacking other people, which seems clear as to the way you operate, then you have no right to get upset when people defend themselves.

So again, I say, the answer is to police yourself. If you make sure that you are respectful and not trying to place restrictions on other people, then you will be fine.

I can only speak for myself: I would love to see these "scornful" and "belittling" posts, cos I sure haven't. Oh, wait, I take that back. I have seen "scornful" and "belittling" posts, but it's mostly directed at people who have a different opinion and then have the courage to post them.

As for the last paragraph, let's put it this way: I won't tell you how to write if you don't tell me how to write. You have your style and I have mine.

HI everyone,
I have only been a member here for a few months and I can't wait to get home from work to check out this Monk site and see all the post and opinions. I have made a lot of friends here in just a couple of months and have posted many times that the "Monk" people are the best. I have been to many sites that are a nightmare, foul language, personal attacks, you name it. There have only been a couple of times that I saw something that I wanted to reply to and tell the people just what I thought and then I took a time out and was reminded by myself that just because I didn't agree with what was done or said me getting involved would have only taken it another step further in a direction I did not want to go. If someone tries to bait me I just let it go. I know there are people that love to get "something " going , although I believe that is NOT the case here on this board. Everybody is different , everybody is going to have a different opinion, we just cant take it to a personal level. I still love this site and everyone here and YES , I still think all you Monk people here are the best, no matter what anyone says.

Love to you all, my friends,

~ Sally

Give people a piece of your heart instead of a piece of your mind.

This post is perfect.

LMAO!!!! yeah I thought we were getting the newest recipe for turtle salad....

Damn. And here I sit with a lightly sauteed turtle and a plate of fresh greens. See what happens when I don't read the rest of the posts before I go running off into the kitchen?

So the lesson learned: on message boards it helps to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, and slow to sautee.

I've heard it tastes like chicken.

ROFL! Yep! And I don't know about the chicken part--now I'm in a moral dilemna. I'm afraid to taste it now. He's just looking up at me all sad from the plate.

This is off topic some, but for what it is worth, I wish posters would take the time be clear in what they say and would GIVE EXAMPLES to back up what they say. Examples both (1) clarify what they are saying, and (2) give some proof to what they say. For example, some posters say the mysteries are less serious/believable/sardonic now. Or that Monk is more of a caricature now, that the OCD is taking over the show now, etc. Ot that Natalie or Sharona are less or more sympathetic to Monk, or too stern/demanding, etc. Examples, please.

Hopefully I'm not guilty of this--if so, tell me where, as it's likely I'm unaware of where I may have done that. I'm a big proponent of this--it's pointless negativity to just say you think something's bad or don't like something or wish something was being done differently but then don't go on to say why---it just looks like complaining to me when people don't say why. I hate that.

I agree. I think everyone should agree to disagree but respectfully. Thanx for responding back but I have to admit I now realize that I hadn't read the subject thread that caused this controversy. Yikes! Perhaps I should lurk a while longer.

Well, just remember it's JUST A TV SHOW. Don't take it personally. I'm assuming nobody here is making any money from the show being on TV. When some people start attacking others, a lot of the time it sounds like they are defending their lifestyles rather than being a part of a discussion of the show.