I'm just a little put off by me having to keep on putting my revised versions up... so here is chpater one Revised. What do you think?

Alex never thought she would regret going to a McDonald's, after a long vistit on fathers day to Alex's sister's house. She ordered for Abbagail like she always did:10 piece Mcnuggets, and a medium orange soda. They sat by the window. Abbagail fiddled with her novelty toy for a few minutes before getting bored with it, and throwing it away. Alex told Abbagail to wait in the car while called her father. Alex was about to tell Bobby when they were coming home, (but he did not answer) when someone unexpectedly knocked her on the head with a blunt object, which knocked her uncoscious. Alex hadn't really sensed anything... but her daughter had. She had screamed when the person came up, right before they whacked her mothers head with a blunt object. Alex had looked catiously for a second around when the object was coming towards, as a result of Abbagail's screams. Why wasn't anybody coming to help? Couldn't the few people inside the restaurant see what was happening?

Alex could not feel anything. She was trapped by a swirling cloud of darkness. Abbagail was bound by thick, heavy rope. Naturally, Nicole was the jelous type, to the extent of drowning her own child at the prospect of being affectionate competition. The woman's last words to Bobby were spiteful as she accused him of taking away the one thing most precious to her, Gwen. The one little girl she tried to save instead of cruelly killing, and blaming for taking away her lovers attention. The tables were turned now. Nicole had Robert Goren's wife and youngest daughter.

Nicole's newest partner was Bobby's drug addict brother Frank. In exchange for aiding in her plans Nicole fed his habit, promised equal share for the emotional pain Bobby inflicted. If only the poor soul knew about her Black Widow ways. They took them to a farm, where Frank and Nicole had stuck to the idea of calling each other by an alias, so that Abby, the only one who was conscious of the two Goren's there, would not know who or what was making their world fall to peices. Gerally Abbagail had an idea of what her uncle looked like, but Frank denied being her uncle even when Abby did say he did look like the uncle in the picture her dad had shown her. Frank Raped Alex in the deserted barn, after they had opened up a window to let in the moonlight. After Frank did what he did, he accidently called Nicole by her real name. Afterward there was a brief struggle between the two women, though Alex was already too hurt to really fight back. Nicole managed to break Alex's thumb, and leave a large gash on her chest, by stomping hard on it with her foot. Poor little Abbagail was forced to watch the whole thing, and had to find out about the horrible truth about her fathers stay at Tates. Bobby found them hours later after receiving a phone call from Nicole Wallace. She had to tell him. She couldn't resist driving that nail into his heart.



"Bobby? Where is dear poor little Abby, and her helpless mummy?" Nicole had said in her Austrialian accent.



"Where are they Nicole?" asked Bobby, trying to stay strong. Trying not to blow it all, and let Nicole hear her demented plan was working.



"Where do they think they are? In purgatory."



"Are they dead?"



"Well Bobby come find out for yourself."



"What's the catch?"



"No other cops, and if any other cops do come they will be dead by the time you get there."



"You'll escape as always... and... I'll do anything to get them back."



"Well then nobody is to come with you Bobby, not even your dearest friend Ross."



Bobby clenched his teeth. "Alright... but don't hurt them anymore."



Nicole, though Bobby could not see it, smiled, that evil malicious smile that only comes from a person with no regret for their wrong doing.



"Aren't you being the detective of the century going to ask me where they are then?"



"Where are they?" asked Bobby, desprately.



"Way up north. Still in the state."



"Where up state?" Bobby was getting desprate, he couldn't hold himself together.



"A farm in JeffersField. Tell me. Why the adoption? Can't she still have children?"



"Tell me where they are first, then we talk."

Alex could not sleep. She tried to, but each time her eyes drifted shut she saw horrifying images of her kids, whom she loved very much, being tortured like she had been. Alex sat up and nudged her sleeping husband. "Bobby, wake up." To her annoyance, he was unresponsive.

The detectives had been married for about 7 months now. Bobby had lost his mother, didn't know the true identity of his father, disowned his brother, and the search for his nephew turned up empty. He saw a psychologist during his suspension and it became painfully clear that Bobby needed stability in his life. During the exploration of his current relationships, Bobby realized that Alex was the only real constant in his life anymore. Many sessions and awkward soul searching later he discovered his true feelings for the senior partner. Alex had been reluctant at first. She Eventually she came to terms with their shared affection and married.

She was surprised when Bobby's arm reached out for her. She knew he did this, and every night for that matter, but this was the first time she was awake for it. "Bobby!" she exclaimed, moving his hand off her face.

"Wha…" he murmured, not realizing what he was doing.

"Bobby, do you know what you do at 2 in the morning?" Alex questioned.

"No… What do I do?" Bobby asked wearily.

"Let's just say your arm doesn't keep to itself."

"Does it bother you?"

"Not really, only when I'm awake," said Alex.

They heard the doorbell chime once.

Alex frowned, little wrinkles forming on her face. "Who the hell could that be? Oh god… don't tell me they're here."

"Just stay here." Bobby grabbed the small handgun he kept in the drawer of the nightstand. "I'll be right back."

Bobby had no idea what was about to happen. He strode through the hallway, and then the living room, his eyes gazing like a hawk on the shadows perched on the walls. He reached the door. He opened it slightly with his free hand, leaving the other one to hold the gun up in its place.

He looked around to find nobody around. There was just a small brown box sitting on the stoop. "A box…" he mumbled to himself. "What kind of game is Nicole playing?" he thought. It was unusual for someone to just leave a box like this, especially this time of night, and the reason was never good.

Bobby brought the box inside and set it on the kitchen island. He grabbed his trusty switchblade from the microwave cart and cut through the tan packaging tape. Goren visibly flinched at what he found inside.

A decapitated head rested amongst the blood stained packing peanuts. Upon further observation he recognized the victim as Amy, Alex's sister.

He sighed deeply, thinking his family was not safe with him. He regretted putting their lives in jeopardy. He loved Alex and all of his kids, but he was thinking they were better off without him. Without Bobby they would be safe, safe from the wrath of Nicole Wallace. She had disappeared for a time, but the detective always had a feeling she would come back. Sociopaths didn't just stop killing and Nicole had a grudge to further fuel her actions. He did what he could to keep his family safe, but he was starting to think he wasn't doing enough.

Bobby stood there thinking for quite sometime. He didn't even notice when it started to rain outside. Robert Goren might have thought the change in weather proverbial. Something had to be done so he called Captain Ross. The man on the other end was a little put off by the hour, but when Bobby explained the situation he was more than willing to make the drive.

Alex's curiosity got the better of her when her husband didn't come back to bed. She glanced at the clock. It had been almost thirty minutes since he'd gone downstairs. Having no inclination of what occurred downstairs, Alex threw on her robe and descended the stairs. She found Bobby sitting at the kitchen table, his back facing the box she recognized as not having been there before. Alex could tell something was wrong by the look on his face. He looked solemn, more so than usual.

"Bobby, what's happened?" she asked.

He ran his hands over his face tiredly. "Alex we need to talk about something."

"What happened?" She moved towards the box, but Bobby caught her.

He didn't fly out of his chair, but he did move with a sense of urgency. "Alex wait, um… d-don't look in there yet. Not yet. We need to talk about something."

"Bobby, what happened?"

Bobby sighed and then showed her the contents of the box.

Alex just stared into it.

I do too bubba.

sorry I would read it, but I don't do shippy fan fics.

that's weird... 'ucz you said you've read before other... just foget what you said... i'M on ff.net right now looking for more beta readers... 3 more to be excate

JanxAngel I'm here so we can talk about this instead of cluttering up the 'thread' Now please talk to me. I'm really going crazy here, infact I watching the epi I really shouldn't be watching, thbe season the finale. The one that's wrecked my story. Please help me. I really need adive as what- (I just got up and danced to the theme song, sorry...) as what to do for this. I'm really perplexed. FussyCat if you're here you could help too...

You could just keep going. You know go with your own story and not worry about what happened on TV. It would just be set before these events or be separate from them.

Now, your plot on the other hand is the most twisted thing I've seen in a long while, not because of the rape and abuse, but because you seem to want to have everyone doing everything all at the same time.

No one knows everything. Time moves in one direction... You can't have someone be knocked out then reacting to something else. Alex is a tough lady and would be mad as hell, kicking and fighting with every breath left in her, no matter if she was hurt or not. Protecting a child I feel would make her fight ten times harder too.

The interaction between Bobby & Alex seems forced and not genuine. Personally I don't go in for shippy stuff, but whatever floats your boat.

Also about time... When did the first section happen? Before or after the box? What happened in the first part, I mean how was it resolved? If it happened before the box, how were they rescued? What was the aftermath? If it was after the box, why does that part come first?

I've glanced through some of your other work as well, and I have to say that sometimes it seems you have these situations set up just to show how awful things can be, not really developing the characters or moving the story.