Olivia turned down another street, following her partner, who had just beat his ex-partner to a bloody pulp, who was the dad of a suspect and she needed to know the hell why. He finally came to a stop, his house.
Once he closed his door, Olivia slowly approached it, he hadn’t even noticed her, she raised her hand to the door and it strangely it felt heavy. One knock, 2 knocks, before she knew it, the door was open and Elliot was silently walking back to the living room, and was rummaging through something, she sighed and walked in,
“Elliot.” She stated softly, she watched him, almost struggling to keep busy, he couldn’t look at her, he hated the fact that she was there, seeing him like this.
His co-worker, that he had kept a professional relationship with, he hated the feeling of her being against him, and he cant even remember when she started that, he feels he cant come to her for help anymore, not that he did, that much, but is was always good to have that sort of cushion, stability, reassurance, that at least someone would be there to help, he couldn’t even believe that he thought about going to Dr. Hendricks for help, he was that desperate, to go to someone he barely even knew, but now that he’s in the same room with Olivia, maybe the Dr. wasn’t a very bad idea. But Olivia was there now to help, apparently.
Olivia then saw his bloody knuckles as he sat down and cradled hi head in his hands.
He even forgot she was there, but Olivia stood, stood there and watched as Elliot sat, crumbled and broken before her, lost. She just didn’t know if she was the person he needed to talk to, she hadn’t really been there through this case that she was too blind and stupid to see it was affecting him greatly, throughout the whole thing. She was constantly fighting and finding ways not to agree with him which is something any descent partner wouldn’t or shouldn’t do.
She wanted to make amends, but she wasn’t sure, he’d let her. Should she just go and leave him? He made it pretty clear at the court house to leave him alone. He asked her for it. But he clearly needed someone and it might as well be her.
She took one step but instantly stopped when,
“Go.” He mumbled,
“Elliot.” She said in the same tone.
“Just leave me alone.”
Olivia shook her head and sat down in a chair across from the couch, where he was sitting.
“Elliot, let me help you.” She stated.
“No. now get out.”
Olivia ignored his last comment and got up to walk to the kitchen, a few minutes later, she came back with a wet wash clothe and sat by him.
He jumped when she lifted one hand away from his temple, he looked up at her, startled, and he thought she had already left.
“I’m not leaving that easily.” She commented, knowing what he was thinking.
“Ok, this might sting.” Olivia softly placed the wet clothe over his knuckles, he slight winced but other than that, the pain wasn’t too bad.
“You must’ve done a number on him.” She added, trying to ease the tension and lighten the mood, wanting Elliot to feel better.
“I didn’t have to.” He said, laying his head on the back of the couch, finding comfort in Olivia’s soft, gentle touch while she cleaned the cuts on his hand.
“Yes, you did El, I heard what happened, you saved that boy from his fathers beatings.” She stated quietly, she knew that wasn’t the whole story, for Elliot, which is what she came to find out, but clearly he didn’t want to say it and she wouldn’t make him, not until he was ready.
Olivia’s voice was so soft and soothing that Elliot’s heavy eyelids had long drifted shut and now he was on the edge of falling asleep, but was torn out of it with the was clothe coming into contact with the other cuts on his hand.
His head jolted up and his eyes opened,
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Olivia quickly apologized.
“Its fine, I just wasn’t expecting it.” He grumbled,
“Look” she sighed, knowing he had to get to the point.
“I know there’s a lot more to the story, but you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”
“Liv, I’m just tired, I just need to sleep and everything will be fine.”
“You and I both know it doesn’t work that way.” She cut in.
“I wish it did.” He mumbled as Olivia worked, getting the dried, crusted blood of his knuckles.
“There, I think you’ll live.” She commented after softly grazing her finger tips over the torn flesh.
“Maybe I won’t, wouldn’t matter anyway.”
Olivia frowned,
“Elliot that’s not funny, you know you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I? Do I even know my purpose any more? It used to be a father and husband but now I don’t have any of those things, so now what?”
“To protect people, Elliot, you are a good man, so you can’t leave, ‘cause god knows how few there are any more.”
“Your kids need you, just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you’re not their father anymore, they’re still your kids.”
Elliot swallowed a lump that seemed to form in his throat and quickly nodded his head.
“I know, have you ever thought about it? Thought about……” Elliot trailed off, he couldn’t come to say it.
Olivia nodded and closed her eyes.
“Ya.” She stated softly.
Than they sat there in silence, not feeling the need to say anything else,
5 mins passed and they still hadn’t said anything.
Olivia looked over at Elliot and saw that his eyes were closed.
Even though through all the hectic things that went on in the past few days, Elliot still looked peaceful and content as he slept. She sighed and got up; he slightly jumped when she rested her hand on his shoulder, waking him up.
“What?” he asked groggily, still half asleep,
“Come on, if you fall asleep on the couch you’ll probably wake up in the morning with a neck injury.” She said with a smile.
He let her pull him up and she draped his arm over her shoulder.
“I’m just going to let ya know that this is a one time thing.”
“That’s something we finally both agree on.” He added his voice scratchy. The headed up stairs, and go to the bedroom,
“Ok--“Olivia started.
“Liv, stay with me.” He said quietly, not really waiting for an answer, he just expected her to sprint out the bedroom door and leave or think he just wasn’t thinking correctly and say just that, and than leave.
But none of those things happened; she just nodded and slipped off her coat. There had been maybe times where she could have gone and helped him, or at least asked him what was going on, but she didn’t, she did none of those things.
He took off his pants, leaving him in his boxers and shirt,
“There’s a pair of shorts you can wear.”
She quietly nodded her head, and Elliot took her jacket, than she went to the bathroom to change. He plopped on the bed and thought that maybe this was a bad idea, but he was tired of sleeping alone, and he was sure Olivia wasn’t running home to anyone.
Than her scent reached his nostrils, he put the jacket to his nose and took in her smell, brown sugar and vanilla. He never smelled something so good; he rested her jacket on the end rail of his bed and slipped under the covers.
Olivia pulled up the shorts and looked in the mirror, she wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she wasn’t about to turn back now, well, she could sneak out the door, he’s probably asleep by now, but that would just make him fell terrible, thinking that he had put her in a situation that for her running and wanting to escape, especially away from him.
She draped her pants on the bath tub and turned off the light than she opened the door, she saw that Elliot was already, under the covers.
“What took you so long? Come on.” Her heart skipped a beat when she heard his voice, she wasn’t expecting him to be awake and was surprise when she figured out he was probably waiting for her. He patted the side next to him and she still wasn’t sure what she got herself into.
Once she lifted the covers and got in, she laid down on her side so her back was facing Eliot. Elliot laid on his back, staring at the ceiling, than an awkward silence swept over them both, Olivia concentrated on the neon lights of his clock, while Elliot counted how many dots there were on the ceiling.
Than he felt stupid that he had to resort to that with Olivia. She stiffened when he spoke,
“I’m just tired of sleeping alone; I haven’t done it in so long.”
“Oh well, I’m used to it.” She answered bitterly.
“I just don’t know how you do it Liv, how do you live alone?” she closed her eyes at his words, she is alone and she always will be.
He propped his head up on his hand and elbow supported his weight on the bed so he was facing her, Olivia heard this and pushed her head all the way into the pillow, smelling his cologne.
“Why id you think about it?” he asked,
Olivia flared her eyebrows and turned to look at him, than laid on her right side, they were both on each side of the bed, with a good distance between them.
“What are you talking about?” she really was confused,
“What we were talking about earlier.” He said quietly and than Olivia’s eyebrows rose, about eating her gun, or this was before she could do that, knowing Elliot could never say it out loud because Olivia knew, even though he’s probably thought about it, he would never do it, most of it was probably the Catholic side of him talking, but he would never come to it, he would never stoop that low to where he had no other option.
She sighed, “Well, I—uh..” she sighed again, not really knowing what to say, Elliot kept his gaze on her, trying to figure out what she was trying to say. Olivia opened her mouth but he beat her to it,
“I though about it when my partner was killed,” she blinked and looked up at him, wanting him to continue, he sighed and rested hi hand in the space between them, that served as a barrier, blocking them from each other.
Than he started to fiddle with a loose thread from the sheet as he continued,
“I just…I…I thought it was my fault, I thought that I should have been the one killed, not him, that’s when I actually left my gun at the squad room that night,” his eyes drifted down to his hand, fiddling with the string.
He couldn’t look at Olivia, not now; he couldn’t even believe he told her that.
“He wouldn’t have wanted you to El,” she assured him, he looked up at her when she rested her hand on his,
“You didn’t know him, you can’t know hat he would have wanted.” He shot back, pulling his away from his grasp.
“Ya, but you did, you knew him, you probably knew him more than yourself, you know he wouldn’t have wanted you to end your life on his account.”
Which made Olivia wonder, how would she deal with Elliot’s death? If something like that happened? Or the other way around?
Elliot knew what she was thinking and grabbed her hand, and waited for her eyes to meet his,
“That wont happen, so don’t even think about it Olivia.”
Olivia figured he was convincing himself, more than her. Olivia shook her head and removed her hand from his hold, too much was being said that night, and she didn’t want things to get carried away.
“Elliot your tire, I’m tired, let’s just get some sleep.”
“No, we’re not done yet, you came over, so I’ going to talk.”
Olivia stared at him, “Now you want to talk?” exhaustion in her voice.
“That’s what I said.” He answered back, starting to get irritated.
“Elliot, it was a long time ago, and now I regret even thinking about it, but I was a teenager, raging hormones, that sort of thing.” She said quickly, wanting to get it out of the way. Than she got up from the bed, fearing she would leave, Elliot sat up quickly and stood up.
“Don’t worry El, I’m not leaving, it’s just so hot in here.” Her back facing him
“Oh, ok, I have a shirt…..” he trailed off as he watched her unbutton her lavender long sleeve shirt.
Than he decided to take his off, he pulled it over his head, showing nothing but his bare chest, when it was off he saw Olivia wearing a tank top, which must’ve been under her shirt, which hugged every perfect curve on her body.
Olivia yawned and slipped back under the covers, Elliot followed, it was so dark, that she didn’t see he took his shirt off, once he got into the bed, he concentrated his gaze back on the ceiling.
“El?” Olivia asked quietly,
“Ya?” he asked, just as quiet.
“How are Kathy and kids doing?”
“Oh.” He mumbled, he honestly wasn’t expecting that question, and he didn’t really want to talk about it.
“They’re fine, I saw the kids last weekend and they’re doing fine.”
“Pretty vague.” She commented, he looked over at her and her back was still facing him,
“Ya well, what do you expect if I only get to spend every other weekend with them.” He said bitterly. Olivia closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself, reminding herself Elliot still felt pretty bad. She turned around and propped her head up with her hand so her elbow was resting on the bed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” She said softly, Elliot looked up at her and nodded,
“It’s ok.”
“No, I really am sorry, I haven’t really helped you lately, I’ve just found every way to disagree with you on everything, I’ve been stupid and I’m sorry.”
“Everything has just been so messed p lately, I don’t blame you, and it’s just good to have someone to rely on.” He said quietly.
“Ya, I know what you mean.” She added,
Elliot turned to look at her,
“Do you know me more than yourself?” he asked,
Olivia wrinkled her brow and tilted her head to the side,
” What?”
When she tilted her head Elliot noticed that her eyes sparkled in the moon light.
“You said that I probably knew my old partner better than myself, so is that how it is with me and you?”
She sighed as her face turned red,”Ya…I guess”
A lock of hair that fell in front of her face and she tucked it behind her with her hand, Elliot watched her as she did this,
“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you Liv.” He stated quietly,
“I lost my family and my wife, I can’t lose you.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it,
“El.” She whispered, Elliot smirked and traced his thumb over he knuckles, knowing her soft skin would never be scared like his, they would stay flawless.
“Your hands are smooth.” He whispered,
Elliot watched contently as he traced patterns around her palms, fingers, of course they never did hold hands and their hands never touched, so Elliot never really knew what her hands or skin, felt like, they were so butter smooth and soft, skin, he wanted to feel her skin. His fingers trailed up to her wrist of her left arm, Olivia just starred and watched as his calloused finger grazed over her skin, he traced over her veins, and the creases, and pressed his thumb against a little scar she had. He was exploring a different side of Olivia and it was incredible, after all, he’d never been in bed, half naked and feeling up her arm before, he was surprised she was even letting him. He than trailed up her forearm an stopped at her elbow.
When he looked up at her, he saw that her eyes were closed, but they immediately opened when he had stopped.
“Come on, lets go to sleep.” He whispered, all she did was nod and scoot down so she was on her left side, her back, once again, facing Elliot. He sighed and laid on his back,
For 10 mins, they laid there.
They both thought that the other person was asleep, but they were both wrong. Olivia slipped her arm under the pillow and sighed, thinking that maybe this was bad idea.
Than she felt an arm snake around her stomach, than it pulled her close to something soft, but firm, Elliot.
She stiffened when she just felt his skin.
“I can’t sleep.” He whispered by her ear, his warm breath tickling her ear, which caused shivers to run through her body. Olivia just figured he was dreaming, but that wouldn’t make sense, maybe she was the one dreaming, Olivia started to panic, she was in Elliot’s bed, with Elliot holding her against his bare chest, bare chest.
She tried to wiggle out of his hold, but he only squeezed tighter,
“Stop struggling Liv, it’s only me and we both can’t sleep.” Elliot than rested his forehead on her shoulder blade and took a deep breath, he pulled the covers tighter around them and Olivia stopped moving.
“Is that better?” he asked quietly, the crisp sound in his voice was about to cause Olivia a heart-attack. She closed her eyes and rested her right hand on the arm that was wrapped across her. After all, she was tired, and having Elliot’s body heat radiate around her was the perfect sleeping-aid. Who would have thought?
She relaxed against his body, wanting to melt into him. Olivia could feel Elliot’s chest push again her back when he breathed, and there is no other place shed rather be.
Her eyes drifted shut once again, and was engulfed in darkness.