Dear God above, I am lost.

Many of you have heard me make mention of my Grandfather who passed of cancer after a long fight last June. I lived with him and took care of him all though it and so it was very difficult when he passed.

What I havent mentioned as near as I can recall is my next door neighbor Bob. I dont know his age but I would guess he's in his 60s. And about a year and a half ago his wife of half a lifetime ran out on him to live as a single woman in Michigan (I believe) primarily at the urging of her spinster sisters.

A few months after my grandfather passed Bob was diagnosed with cancer. He went in to the hospital, fought the good fight and came out feeling pretty good. He found a new girl. Got on with his life and things looked good.

Well, he's had two more brushed with cancer since, hospitalized both times, and I would go over and care for his cats every day, while he was away.

He's about to pass papers on the house and sell it to a new couple. So it's mainly empty with some exceptions.

But today we got the phone call. He's coming out of the hospital tomorrow morning. He wants to have a yard sale in the morning to clear out what's left in the house...

Manily because the doctors told him - if he's here in three weeks - he's exceeding expectations.

And I just cant wrap my head around it. He's a great guy. Really. He does charity work, his first week in the hospital more than half the staff of the Home Depot where he worked came to see him. He played softball in a league on weekends and never failed to have a good word or a smile.

I just cant help but wonder - Where are all the good people going? I know so many heartless and nasty people who never suffer a moment's discomfort and people like Bob end up abandoned by EVERYONE they spent a lifetime with only to face DEATH, the great darkness of the unknown, with only the dignity they can muster on thier own.

I had told him if he needed anything just to ask and so tomorrow I need to get up at 5:30 to set up the yard sale for him so it can start by 6:30. His girlfriend will drive him home, but he's going to have to be loaded in to his truck and I'll have to get him out - as he really cant walk anymore either.

A week ago he was up and smiling. Packing to move - to start over with his new girl. He gave me this workbench he built - because he knows I like to tinker and build - and it's fantastic. $200 worth of prime lumber, you know? But he just wanted it to go to good use.

And he's going. So soon. I'm tearing up as I write this. Because it is so completely unfair.

Another really great person, you know? A kind and gentle man. And I just dont get it.

Setting up a yard sale, moving some boxes, maybe loading a truck... But really - What can I do? Why isnt it more? It should be more. But... life, you know? Life never lets you give more, at least, it never lets you give enough.

Why, why, why on earth shouldnt we be allowed to give enough to the GOOD people? Why are the guilty all so well fed and comfortable when Bob's practically unable to talk over the thrush on his tongue?

I dont want to be angry. I dont want to be outraged. But D*mn it! Who wouldnt be?

Heartbroken, Pissed and Poweless,

-M

Here are a few websites that are very encouraging when you lose someone.
I hope it helps and gives you N. Hope!

http://www.watchtower.org/
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20050815/article_02.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040322/article_01.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20001001/article_01.htm

You know what I have to say..I'm praying for you.

~with love

Keep the spirit high, my friend.
Be glad you had the opportunity to meet such a great gentleman! And the oportunity to give him the comfort he needs.
You are great!

Hugs
Mi

Dear M.
I am so sorry that you are suffering in this way today. I am however very grateful that you have reached out to us at this forum. I too am praying for you. Keep talking to us.

Your wrote: Setting up a yard sale, moving some boxes, maybe loading a truck... But really - What can I do? Why isnt it more? It should be more. But... life, you know? Life never lets you give more, at least, it never lets you give enough.

I am thankful that Bob has you right now. He needs you. What you are doing is big - because only you can do it.
Talk to us.

M1

I just found this thread--I was wondering what happened to you. It's been hit or miss as far as you posting lately and I got the feeling something was wrong.

That was very difficult to read--I feel for you and my heart goes out to your friend. Because of you, he won't pass alone and that's a big big thing. Don't underestimate the value of just being there for him. Let us know how you're doing.

I, too, found this difficult to read. I have lost both my parents to incurable illnesses, illnesses that broke down their spirits, bodies and minds. We had hospice care for both of them but I lived next door so became the primary care giver and they both were able to pass peacefully in the home they had built together.

While I felt I never did enough at the time I know now that being there, loving them, giving up my time to see their needs were met was the greatest gift I had to give. Giving back to someone who has given you so much is the greatest gift of all. Helping them tie up all the lose ends, to do all the things they cannot do for themselves is a measure of the man you are. You, Mandeville, are better than the ones who walk(ed) away. You are not selfish, you are kind, loving and care about another in a way that many cannot.

The anger you feel is normal, the pain you feel is real. Your acts are God's testament that good people do exist for if you were not a good person you would not feel the way you do. We never know how many days we have here on earth but you have helped to give two people the best of yourself and that is the greatest gift of all.

We often say the good die too soon and the bad live too long; I prefer to think of it in this way: The good go before the bad to have a longer time to enjoy God's love, to pave the way for those who come after them while the bad live with the hell they have created for themselves here on earth and never see the wonders on the other side, God forgets their names.

Take care my friend. You are making a difference in the life of Bob and he is appreciating every bit of what you are doing for him in the here and now, there is no greater gift you can give.

Sue

hey M,

You're a great person. One of those that you spoke of, is you. You were there
for your grandfather, and your neighbor. They're lucky to have you to help them.

This is why I do my best to make people smile, give a good word. My work is
to help the kids in the cancer unit here in Sacramento.

www.freewebs.com/sq2007/ you may want to read the home page that
explains a bit more about the good people on this earth.

You've done a great job, and you can go on to help others for their fight
with cancer.

Many HUGS and LOVE, ((M))

Sue put it more eloquently than I can. Ditto for me, Man.

Kathy

Mandeville, my heart goes out to you.

I know how much it hurts to watch people you love and care about die infront of you and the helpless despair of knowing there is nothing we can do but make them as comfortable as possible and let them know we love them so dearly.
As i mentioned on the "In Memory Of...." topic, i lost my great grandmother to cancer three weeks ago tomorrow, i was there looking after her too, helping my family, trying (and sometimes failing) to be strong. It was hard to see her waste away because she couldn't eat, every weekend and other days like school holidays (or basically whenever i could) i'd come down to stay and help her with normal things like make her some soup, or strain her porridge and make it as liquidish as possible. It was so hard watching as she retched everything back, it wasn't her fault and i wished that i could just take her pain away.

She was in hospital after that and she deteriorated rapidly. You are right about the nasty people in the world, the greedy, selfish people who will trample people to the ground for what they can get, then there are killers, rapists,blackmailers etc, they never get anything bad happening in their pathetic excuses for lives that could have been more suited to a good person. If anything they go to jail and get three meals a day, a bed to sleepi in but no pain or suffering or indeed grief of watching people they love go (that is if they love other people and aren't just in it for themselves like most.)

My nan was a wonderful woman, seriously, she was the kindest, gentlest, and most generous person you could meet, if you needed anything, she'd be there for you, if you needed a shoulder to cry on she'd be there with a box of tissues and ready with a life jacket for the floods quicker than you could say "ahoy there" she meant everything to me, i love all of my family to death and i'd give my life for them, but i miss her terribly, and that is how i know your pain, and why i'm thinking of you and your pain, but please for Bob's sake stay strong and let him know everyday you care.

****Big Hugs****

....Pinkie....

(Amanda) x

Thank you, everyone for your kind words both here and in personal messages. Your messages meant a lot and really helped me get through the last week. The yard sale went well today. A few hundred dollars worth of well anyway. Even though Bob could only be there for the second half as he had to go in for another treatment first think this morning which, coincidentally was also at the last minute.

He seemed pretty happy with what went on and he's much more at ease with the idea that he can be out of the house by the end of the week - when they hope to pass papers on it. The poor man is in such a rush to get that done, because if he passes away first the wife who ran out on him gets everything and she already refused to let his children have even so much as his smallest pension.

His new girlfriend was over there, working herself hard to get everything done. And when it was all over she took him to her house for the night. She also decided that she's going to take Bob's three cats when the time comes.

They had some things left and so they'll be setting up tomorror morning, but I purposely put all the stuff away for easy setting up in the morning. So it looks like another early day come morning.

I even got up and cleaned out his attic for him - since his girlfriend said if I didnt he would - and he's not in shape for that. But one set of boxes - ten or so sealed boxes - were full of readers digests dating all the way back to 1953, ending in 1990 and only missing three issues.

He asked me to donate them to the library come Monday and I think I will - but Im not just dropping them off. I'm going in and explaining the situation in hopes that they'll send him a letter of thanks or even write up a little article in the library newspaper they put out.

I just think it would be nice if someone recognized that it wasnt just a donation - but a personal collection that spanned a good bit of his life - which may well soon be gone.

And I found out why the time limit dropped down to just a few weeks. He has a fungal lung infection of some kind and he's maxed out the level of chemotherap he can take. So any more chemo and they're just poisoning him and if the stop the chemo to treat the infection - they're abandoning the fight against the cancer. And it appears that trying both treatments at te same time would be too much for him as well.

The good news is that he's not giving up. The human spirit is pretty unpredictable and so there's always that I suppose. And he doesnt look as bad as he did after chemo had just started.

I cant tell if I feel better about it all or if I'm just too tired to be any more upset at the moment.

But I do know I posted here when I felt like I didnt have anyone to talk to about it and that the replies I recieved were more than I could have hoped for.

So, really, thank you all - again.

-M

Glad to hear things went well at the sale. Will still keep both you and Bob in my thoughts and prayers.

M - Sorry to hear about your neighbor. Your rant was a needed thing for you and you shouldn't be upset about exposing your feelings. I, too, can feel your pain. My aunt just passed away last week. I was told that she was going into the hospital because she isn't gaining weight and not hungry. They found out her kidneys were not working at all. They tried to do diaylsis and her heart stopped! They got her back and was able to take some fluid that was around her heart out. But they couldn't attempt diaylsis again. She was way too weak. She died last friday. It was such a shock..but that has happend alot lately when I have a family member sick. I get upset when good people pass away. I see it every day in my job. I get attached to so many that are going through cancer treatment. I have one right now that hopes to see his child get through kindergarden!

One thing is that you are there for him. You are a devoted person! God bless you!

M-
I'm so very sorry you are having to go thorough all this. I won't go into the "I know how you are feeling" because I don't. As you know, I went through a similar grief period when Stanley passed away. I haven't fully accepted that he's gone, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

It is extremely unfair for people who are so good and kind to be taken away so quickly while others are left behind. One thing I just thought of when reading your beautiful note is that maybe Heaven is such a better place than Earth that God chooses the really good people to experience it. I know... that is beyond lame , isn't it? Sorry, that's the first thing that came to mind.

What I don't really understand is that if Heaven is such a wonderful place, then why are people on Earth just devastated when someone dies (and therefore goes to Heaven?)? I know the obvious answer, but that's just a thought I had.

I'm sure I am sounding very much like Dr. Kroger (or the asymetrical shrink!) right now, but actually anything that would compare me to Stanley would be a huge compliment.

I was never really close to my aunt, but in June of 2006, my mom told me that my aunt (who smoked quite a bit) had lung cancer. I was sorry to hear it but didn't think much of it. I know, I'm terrible, aren't I? Then I talked to my mom again in September and was told that my aunt had only three months to live. I about lost it when I heard that, even though I tried so hard to "deny" that I was upset. That's when the reality sank in.

I hope that your friend exceeds the doctor's expectations, because miracles do happen. I'll be praying that one happens for you.

Andrea

Me, too.
Kathy

Mandeville, how are you holding up? How is your friend doing?

M, I'm so so so sorry to hear about all this. I'm sorry your having a hard time, I hope you get happy and get all your pep back soon. We're all praying for you.

!chik!

Hey everyone -

We had two days of yard sale drama and then I spent most of today shutteling his left overs down to Goodwill. Ans helping him clean out his house. So I do believe the house will be ready for it's new owners come the end of this week.

However, Bob has to get these daily chemo treatments and tests. And on Sunday they told him that he'd be really lucky to make it to the house sale/paper passing on Friday. So what we thought was three weeks is now down to three or four days.

Bobs girlfriend was very upset and I'm awful worn down by the whole thing.

But Bob is thinking posative. He told me to get a reciept for his donations to Goodwill to write off on his taxes next year. I didnt know if I should laugh or cry and so I just said "Sure Bob." and got the reciept.

He's still up and walking but, I know from the last 2 folks I lost to cancer that the end comes very quickly when things turn bad. Every day he looks a little more skeletal and moves a little slower.

And poor Judy - the girlfriend - she lost her husband to cancer two years back. So this is really hard for her too.

What a time to have quit smoking hunh? But on the upside - ten days without lighting up, right?

<sigh>

Thanks for listening. And for caring. It really helps.

-M

Having to go through this with a friend will drain you. Try to keep your head up. I guess I need to quit smoking too. I just don't know what he'd do without you.

Today is day 12.

Congrats

Bless your heart! Know that I am thinking about you and your friends. I lost my Grandmother to Cancer this past September so I know what you are going through.

M - Hang in there M...we are always here for you too!

I don't want to annoy you, but I was hoping to find out how you're holding up. Are you okay M?

I'm thinking of Bob and praying for him and you today. Peace.
Kathy

Keep praying people because somehting seems to be working. Bob is up and on his feet, coughing up his infection and taking his chemo like a shot of whiskey.

He's passing papers on his house - a half an hour ago, so Passed is the better word choice. But we did get him all moved out and the house cleaned up.

My truck is still full of things he's donating to goodwill but I can run that stuff down any time and I'm in no hurry. He finished getting his things out of the house yesterday with the exception of some little stuff he took out this morning.

He came over and said goodbye to my Grandmother and myself and promised to stay in touch. I had to laugh - his new address is actually in a place called Petticoat Junction. I hope he's happy, but I'm not sure I'd drink from the water tower if I were there.

It was a lot of work but it was worth it to see him up and around and happy to be getting it done.

I've been feeling particularly nasty about his runaway wife - because I found out she told him she wouldnt let his kids from his first marriage have even his smallest pension - with the proviso "I'll make you file for a long, out of state divorce and we both know you wont last that long!"

And now I'm just hoping that he comes back, pushes through that divorce and takes back everything he worked for all those years. Either that or I hope someone drops a house on her - as is the custom with witches from what I understand. (I keep making that joke, I almost cant help myself.)

I'd also like to box with those doctors. I think that, or a good hunting accident could really open thier eyes to the damage they do with thier 'proclimations'.

Anyway, It was a lot of work ovver there and yesterday after it was done I had to take care of my own neglected house - which took all day and still isnt done yet. But hopefully I'll find some time freed up to get back to just hanging out and enjoying the board.

Really, thanks again, everyone. I really had no one else to talk to about this - no one who wasnt so close to it that it would have pained them anyway - and so it really meant a lot that I got the response I did from all of you.

I really cant stress that enough - Thank you.

-Damien "Mandeville" Downes

Thanks for the update. Will definitely keep praying for you and Bob.

Great new, Damien. Hang in there.
Kathy