To all Old heads, new members, lurkers, shippers, noRomos, Swiss, etc. etc.:

This is a community that is centered around our intrest in (and in some cases obsession with) Law and Order Criminal Intent and all of the people who make the show possible. To many, this is a home away from home.

Unfortunately, recent events have caused this community to be shaken to its core. There have been disagreements among members, members turning on one another and attacking, people misunderstanding others words and intentions. These events (often tempered by past experience) have left many visible and open wounds.

As a result, I feel that it is necessary for some things to be clarified. Hopefully this will help us to think about our actions better.

To long timers:

1. Remember when you were new. You didn't know the culture of the board. You didn't know what to take seriously and what to let ride.
-maybe we should take caution in ribbing new members and making sure that they know we're joking when we are? Agree? no? yes?

2. We each have our own opinons, but when a new person hears those opinions all comming at them at once, it can feel like an attack.
-maybe if someone is being controversial, we shouldn't reply to it right away. Maybe we should ask what he/she means by his/her comments.
-Sometimes people use controversey as a way to 'get noticed' so that they can be in on the conversation.

3. Some people aren't as obsessed...er...dedicated as we are.
-maybe we should be careful not to dismiss people who have views that are different than ours as attacking or being negative.
-let's remember that some people are new to forums and may not be very articulate, yet.
-take a problem to PM. We know better than to put people on blast. I'm guilty, too.

To new posters:

1. You may have lurked a long time. But we don't 'know' you, and you don't 'know' us.
-lurking and being a part of the madness are two different things. You might think that you have a person pegged. A lot of times you're not going to be very far off, but often on a message board reaction governs your impressions of situations. Give us a fair shake.

2. Negativity breeds negativity. A kind word turns away scorn.
- If the first thing off your keyboard is something that can be taken as negative it will often breed a negative response. If the first thing off your keyboard is something nice, people will be nice to you.
-if you have an axe with a member that you must grind, take it to private message. If you have a problem with the message board, ask yourself: If I come in here with an axe to grind, spouting negativity, how are these people going to respond? If I come in with nice words and save any problems I have to private messages, how are these people going to respond.

3. Explain yourself and use emoticons when you can.
-If you have something to say that can be taken as negative, explain what you mean and where you're comming from. If you're joking say so. If you're not trying to be mean, say so. Use smiley's and such to help punctuate what you are trying to say.

To Lurkers:

1. Delurk!
-Come have fun with us.

2. Set your judgements aside.
-Its not fair to 'have us pegged' and then react based on your biases. Especially when we don't know you.

3. Have fun!

To Shippers, NoRomos and Swiss:

1. Be careful in how we talk to new members.
-they don't quite understand, yet.

In general:

• The ships are for fun. They are not exclusive clubs that are meant to divide. A lot of people fight about shipping, we laugh about it.
• Everyone is family. There are no cliques here.
• There are no newbies. Everyone is equal.
• A valid opinion can be marred by namecalling and being negative.
• Its not real life. Its a law and order Criminal intent fantasy world.
• This is not a place to judge others.
• This is a safe place.
• We will all cooperate to make this a safe fun place.

If you agree with what's been said here, lets make this pact:

• To create a safe, fun enviornment for everyone.
• To take negativity with a grain of salt.
• To listen to criticisim.

Anyone?

Great points. They're presented in a very clear fashion as well.

I agree with all of these points and I will try my best to keep them in mind when meeting new posters.

I sign it. This is good stuff Jc.

Good points, JC. I'll sign the pact.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons (and daughters!) of God. Matthew 5:9

As the great Joh Lennon once said... Give Peace a chance... all for it jcsavestheday!!

Cloggs

I should say that I don't want to sound sectairan in what I had to say to New posters and Lurkers. What mean is that its not fair to 'have us pegged' based on what we've posted, because we have nothing to 'judge your character' by. Everyone starts out on a clean slate with us when they sign up, so everyone here should start out on a clean slate with a New person or a lurker when they start to post.

In total agreement JC - very well spoken. I will do my best to abide by your suggestions.

This was so eloquently written and has so many good points. Thanks for posting this. Maybe someone on the admin board can sticky this thread towards the top so it doesn't get lost.

As John Lennon sang once "Give peace a chance".

I agree

Please count me in!

Sounds good

Count me in!

Niiiice jcsavestheday! Great idea. Give me a pen. I'll sign.

This is probably stating the obvious but I think we should also be mindful of the fact that reading the written word is not the same as talking face to face. Sometimes without seeing the body language, hearing the tone of voice etc of a poster's remarks makes it easy to misinterpret their meaning and can lead to misunderstandings.

Well-said, *jc. You have a way with words.

I'll sign on.


spook

Jc excellent job on that. I am signing. I still feel like the newbie, kind of.

sounds great!

You made some great points and I respect all of them.

count me in!!! i have no problem signing on the dotted line

count me in too!

I think this is an excellent idea. As a new member who got off on the wrong foot, I know what it feels like to be the outsider & have people, who don't know me, judge me on a few posts. It feels horrible.

So, I'm happy to sign on the dotted line.

Well said jc. I'm in too.

EXCELLENT, jc!!!


I'm all for it!!!

Excellent idea, jc. Count me in as well. I try to remember to read through my posts before I hit the add reply button, but sometimes that doesn't happen. Oh well, that's what the edit function is for.

I'm so glad that the response to this is good. I was afraid that here might be some dissent.

::::smiles:::: sounds great to me.

Me too

It means that we're not afraid to admit we have been wrong before. We're all awesome gals and guys like that around here.

I'm in as well! You’ve made some very good points! Thanks for actually putting these thoughts into words. I think more message boards (not necessarily CI boards) need this kind of creed. I have been repelled by some boards whose lack of consideration and respect for one another was not only condoned but celebrated. Thanks for making this subject it’s own thread, as it’s more likely to be noticed.

Count me in. I'm bringing beverages to the signing party. Root beer anyone?

/b/? If you don't know, don't ask.


A Cragen fan? Neat. Dont' get much of that.

If I don’t know I shouldn’t ask what? Or was that what wasn’t suppose to ask?

I'm in! Let me know when the signing party is, and I'll come without my bodyguard armor -- those gloves make it hard to hold a pen, ya know!

I've had some newer members pm me at times because they thought i was being disrespectful.. or more so disloyal to VDO and CI in general.. i got a little tired of that...so i started ignoring them...we all love the show and VDO, Noth, Erbe.. the gang.. but we are not always going to agree on the direction of the show.. and we're not always going to love all the episodes.. i think it's healthy to be honest.. and makes for great discussions...as adults.
most of these folks are gone.. or were one hit wonders...I love CI.. it is now and has been since conception.. my favorite show.. so.. lets respect others opinions even if we don't agree.. and it's ok to have vigerous discussions if we keep it respectful.

*bug*

ITA, bug. Sometimes things can get out of hand. Esp. w/ the new eps. b/c we all have different gut reactions to things.

Sorry for the confusion. But by your answer I can tell you didn't get what I was talking about, so don't worry about it. It was a rather obscure reference & not one a whole lot of people around here would get. Welcome aboard anyway! Jump right in anywhere!

Sounds good to me as well. You have all been welcoming to me, even when I first started coming here...I felt welcomed. I have been told I take offense easily, so I will DEFINATELY watch myself from now on, promise.

I totally agree with you, *bug.*

As much as I adore CI & the cast (especially Goren *sigh*) the whole point of a thread about an episode is to discuss it..all of it. All of us love the show, why else would we be here?

Like "Untethered," for example. I wasn't crazy about the whole slab scene thing. I thought it was too over the top. Others really loved it, the acting & emotion. Both sides are valid & should be posted, as long as, you say, we act like adults about it.

NICEEE!!GREAT POINTS!!

I agree DonnaJo.

Lately it seems that the "discussions" have been one-sided. The thing that drew me to this board is that people felt comfortable to post their comments and opinions almost always positive, but a few critical. Lately, the reactions to critical opinions has been sharp (I'm not sure if that is even the word to use).

I can see why lurkers might be afraid to delurk.

I must admit, sometimes I'll get a little "heated" about things that will be posted about Bobby. It's so silly but true. Not VDO, but his character,who is very real to me (but not, LOL).

I feel so sorry for him, all that he's gone through with his Mom, his brother & his job, that disparaging remarks about him (the character) can bring out that "maternal" instinct."

And when I post about that %$*@%"* Chief Of Detectives? Watch out!

This is very cool. Think Twice, Speak Nice. I'm in.

Agreed. For members to feel safe, welcome, and included.

I put my paw print on it.

This board seems pretty tame to me. If you really want to see fan-forum Jihad, check out the SciFi channel's boards on an average day.

Still, the purpose of this thread is noble so in that spirit I promise to be nice to everyone... except mimes.

We are a rag-tag bunch of scalawags on this forum, ready to party at the drop of a hat. Well, not really but we do have fun. I also have a deep-seated dislike for mimes. If one comes up to me again on the street and does "WALKING INTO THE WIND" one more time, I will not be held responsible for my actions. I've already been banned from going to the CIRCUS for five years and if you play one more "BEST OF MARCEL MARCEAU" CD near me.........WATCH OUT!!!!

These are good comments and I think we try to abide by the rules. That's what IMO, the Etiqutte thread is about, and all should read it.

Well said all of you, you can count me in as well

I will adhere to these rules
by the way nice job with this post

I can live with this, very happily actually. Well put. Count me in!