As the title suggests, what would the 4400 actors and characters say if they were allowed to be honest and to plead for a new season? To get it started, I reprinted one I wrote in Phanta's Joel Gretsch thread...

Diana: Hi! I'm Diana Skouris, star of the hit series the 4400, and its smash follow up the Gay 4400....

Jordan: And I'm Jordan Collier...

Diana (absentmindedly): Mmm... Jordan! (snapping out of her trance): And we're here to plead on behalf of our fans to save the 4400.

Jordan: That's right, Diana! The 4400 is an amazing show, full of high quality acting....

Diana: Or the lack of it...

Jordan: Excellent writing...

Diana: Are we talking about the gaping plot holes, or the quippy one liners?....

Jordan: The amazing abilities....

Diana: Which ones? The ones found on the back of the Wheaties Box, or the ones the writers recycled from Heroes and other sci-fi shows...

Jordan (to self): Damn! I should have thought of that! How many children would have taken the shot if they thought it was some sort of surprise at the bottom of the box...?

Jordan: The picturesque setting...

Diana: You mean the fact they shoot the 4400 in Vancouver, BC instead of in Seattle, where the show is set?....

Jordan (clearly agitated): Well... Diana, since you seem to be the Queen of Frost today, why don't you tell us why we should watch the 4400...

Diana: Don't mind if I do. First of all, there's me....

Jordan (absentmindedly): Mmm... Diana!

Diana: And of course, there's the real star of the show, my pal, Tom, played by hunky veteran actor Joel Gretsch...

Jordan and Diana (in unison, absentmindedly): Mmm... Joel Gretsch!

Diana (to Jordan): Isn't he dreamy?

Jordan (to Diana): Absolutely! If I did go gay, Tom would definately be the guy I'd do it for...

Diana: And did you see him playing Tomthew a few weeks back?

Jordan: He was absolutely creepy. But still not as creepy as yours truly...

Diana: Oh, Jordan! I don't think anyone could ever be as creepy as you...

Jordan: Oh, Diana! You're making me blush.

Diana: But creepy isn't the only way you'll see Tom in the 4400. You'll also see him as hardworking, loyal, and dependable...

Jordan: I agree. Diana?

Diana: Yes Jordan?

Jordan: Can I tell you a secret?

Diana (dismayed): Jordan! This is certainly no place to spill your guts. Don't you have a shrienk for these sort of things?

Jordan: It's not that kind of secret. Besides, he's taking the week off in Cancun to go underwater snorkeling.

Diana (to self): He probably just wanted to get away from you...

Diana (sighs): Ok, what is it?

Jordan: It's because Tom is such an upstanding man that I hate him so much. His very presence reminds me of what I will never be...

Diana (hugs Jordan): Oh, Jordan! (pats him on the shoulder I think there's a meeting of Megalomaniacs Anonymous meeting over at Seattle General. I believe its being held in the Danny Ferrell wing.

Jordan: Thanks Diana! What we we discussing before hand?

Diana: I believe we were making an impassioned plea on behalf of our fans to save the 4400...

Jordan (thinking out loud): So, basically the only reason we could think of is Joel Gretsch?

Diana: Pretty much.

Jordan and Diana (absentmindedly, in unison): Mmm... Tom Baldwin!

Thanks, Bubba!

Promicinjunkie: This was awesome! Very funny. I could totally picture the voices of Diana & Jordan in my head which was cool!

Great ad. It reminds me of something I would read in another thread...

Oh?

Thanks, SW! No one has ever paid me such a high compliment.

Diana: Hi, it's Diana again. You know, the star of the 4400, and its follow up sensation the Gay 4400...

Jordan: And I'm Jordan....

Diana (absentmindedly): Mmm... Jordan! (snapping out of trance:) I'm sorry. What were you saying?

Jordan: Well, Diana, before you so rudely interrupted me, I was about to tell them about our "Save the 4400" telethon.

Diana: You mean we're going to kidnap the writers, fire the producers (literally), and tar and feather the head honchos over at NBC Universal and USA Networks...

Jordan (to self): Not bad ideas, Diana! Maybe there is hope for you yet.

Jordan: No, you silly woman! We're going to beg for support from our fans...

Diana: Oh no! (closes eyes and starts tapping her ruby red slippers:) Jerry Lewis won't be hosting it! Jerry Lewis won't be hosting it! Please, please, I beg, if there is a God out there somewhere, Jerry Lewis won't be hosting it!

Jordan (shakes head): Why do you always associate bad ideas with Jerry Lewis?

Diana: Would you rather me associate them with you?

Jordan: No, please go ahead. (starts thinking): Hey! What's that supposed to mean?

Diana: Anyways.... So, during our chat, you'll occassionally see a number flash across the bottom of the screen. Call it, and pledge the number of pounds of sunflower seeds you'd be willing to contribute to our efforts.

Jordan: Heck, we'll even throw in some nifty incentives to get you to call.

Diana: Like what, O Bearded One?

Jordan: For five pounds of sunflower seeds, you get a swell 4400 T-shirt from Phanta's T-shirt and Fried Chicken Emporium. Your choice: Be Positive....Not to take Promicin, I Took the Shot, and all I Got was this lousy T-shirt, Jordan Collier: Patron Saint of Lost Causes, or I'm a Promicin Junkie.

Diana: And for twenty pounds of sunflower seeds, you get a copy of the Gay 4400 Does Christmas. It's supposed to be the best thing since sliced pumpkin bread with honey butter. At least, that's what the cue cards I'm reading from says.

Jordan: For fifty pounds of sunflower seeds, you get a copy of S1/2 of the 4400 on DVD. (pulls out cellphone:) I want to buy five thousand pounds of sunflower seeds.

Diana (in disbelief): Jordan!!! (absentmindedly): Mmm... Jordan!

Jordan: What????!!! The DVDs make excellent Christmas gifts....

Diana (nervously): Uh, our other gig. You know the one that allows you to sail the Mediterrean....

Jordan (suddenly remembering): Oh, yeah. Not that the Gay 4400 Does Christmas aren't wonderful gifts, also.....

Diana: For two hundred thousand pounds of sunflowers seeds, our contributors may choose one of the stars of the 4400 to go out with.

Jordan (incredulous): So which of our fellow cast mates have agreed to this?

Diana: Well, me for one. Then there's Meghan, Isabelle, April, Tom, Kyle, Shawn, Danny, Marco, Richard, and Garrity.

Jordan (picking up his cellphone): Yes, I'd like to donate another two hundred thousand pounds. Is Meghan available?....Yes? She is?.... When is she free?... Mmm hmm.... Mmm...Mmm hmm... Ok, thanks.

Diana (pouting): And what am I? Chopped liver?

Jordan: I didn't want to cut the sexual tension. Besides, what would the writers of this wonderful show have to work with, if I finally went out on a date with you?

Diana: Well folks, here is the number you've been waiting for...

Jordan: 1-800-Sav-4400. And we'll be back, right after these messages, from USA...

In all honesty, Jackie has spoken out that fans should send in e-mail to the official site; perhaps she meant regular mail, too.

This show needs to be renewed, especially after this last season; still haven't watched the last 2 eps!

Excellent, Promicin Junkie. cool concept. Perhaps the next episode needs a guest. say, Ryland?

you know Ryland has always wanted the 4400 gone, so that wouldn't work

Just have Izzy's ghost pop up

Thanks OR and weckar. I had planned that there will be special guest hosts and visitors. You never know who will pop up in the effort to save the 4400....

Diana: Hi again, faithful 4400 viewers. I'm Diana Skouris, NTAC agent and single mother....

Jordan: And I'm Jordan Collier, megalomaniac Messiah and all around hottie.

Diana (absentmindedly): Mmm... Jordan!

Jordan: According to our tallies, we have raised 4,000,000 pounds of sunflowers seeds to date. But this is not enough.... we need much more.

Diana: Especially if we are going to send in the pigeons hand-carrying all of our letters of support.

Jordan: So.... me and Diana have been thinking.

Diana: Yes, we know. (turns towards audience and putting hand to one side of the mouth:) It's an extremely scary thought. But let me assure you we did so under the strictest of psychiatric care. But, shhh! Don't tell him I told you... he's a bit sensitive about the subject.

Jordan (peeved): Diana, I can still hear you...

Diana: No you don't. That's just another of PJ's games.

Jordan: PJ, the geek, or PJ, the terrorist?

Diana (shrugs:) Either/or. Doesn't matter much at this point...

Jordan: Anyhow, we decided to have a guest talk about what the 4400 means to them.

Diana: Please welcome, Marco....

Jordan (to Diana): I thought we had a bigger budget than that. Couldn't we have at least hired that chick from Medium to get us in contact with Izzy's ghost or something?

Diana (to Jordan): Suck it up! He's on his way out now...

Jordan, Diana: Hey, Marco...

Marco: Hello, everyone.

Jordan: So what has the 4400 meant to you?

Marco: It's been great.

Diana: Would you care to elaborate?

Marco: It's been really, really great.

Jordan: I hear you have a new ability. Is that true?

Marco: Yep.

Diana: Can you tell us what it is?

Marco: Yes.

Jordan: What is it then?

Marco: I can teleport.

Diana: Uh, huh. Does having an ability change your perspective on promicin?

Marco: Yep.

Jordan: How so?

Marco: I like promicin.

Diana: How did you arrive at that position, considering you work for a place that at best frowns on promicin use?

Marco: I lived. I got an ability. Promicin is good.

Jordan: But what about the 9,000 who died so you could get an ability?

Marco: Suckers!

Diana: How are things going between you and Abigeek?

Marco: Abigeek who?

Jordan: You two already broke up?

Marco: After she got me to dress better, she lost interest in me. She's now dating Kyle.

Jordan (picks up his cellphone): Yes, how many pounds of birdseed... uh, I mean sunflower seeds do I need to contribute to hire a hitman for Abigeek?... Uh, huh..... That's a bit steep, but ok.... You'll be sending me a text message... ok, bye.

Diana: Why do you want to hire a hit on Abigeek?

Jordan: I get so f***ing tired of hearing about his damned Kyco line. I hired a Shaman, not a pansy clothing designer...

Diana: Good reason, Jordan. He is getting a bit insistent about getting me in something other than Vests...

Marco: We'll be back after these messages... that number again is 1-800-SAV-4400.

wow, that so didn't sound like Marco it was funny

[quote name='Promicinjunkie' date='Oct 30 2007, 04:08 AM' post='636711']

Jordan: For five pounds of sunflower seeds, you get a swell 4400 T-shirt from Phanta's T-shirt and Fried Chicken Emporium. Your choice: Be Positive....Not to take Promicin, I Took the Shot, and all I Got was this lousy T-shirt, Jordan Collier: Patron Saint of Lost Causes, or I'm a Promicin Junkie.




Thanks for the nod PJ...I need to get back into my commercials its been awhile..

I'm making a shirt for christmas for a lady I work with. She is 77 years old and so cute. It's gonna say

Old as dirt, but cute as hell.

LOL she laughed so hard when I told her that so I have to make it for her.

I know and I kinda did that on purpose. I was spoofing how celebrities agree to interviews, and then once there.... they really don't tell you anything, and you gotta pull everything they do tell you like you're pulling teeth. One of Joel Gretsch's recent interviews served as the model....

I suspected that, I've seen the interview in question and it was an ebarrasment to say the least.

In total agreement here...

*Bad Joel Gretsch, Bad Joel Gretsch*

*Now, go to your trailer and think about how you can give a proper interview...*

As much as I love him, it was a very bad interview. It was like he wasn't really listening to the questions....or simply didn't care.

I'm one who believes in dispensing grace to people after you've made your point. So, on that matter, let me say, he may have just been tired or had a bad day. Sometimes we put our favorite actors on pedistools....

pedistools? is that like toadstools?

Haha, Phanta. Pedistool... I meant pedestal....

I thought maybe you were comparing him to a Toad LOL. J/K

I suppose the pediSTOOL would be high enough for him if he doesn't get his butt back to Seattle!

Well, Mr. Gretsch is still under contract, so assuming a season 5, he'll be back. He'll have no choice but to come back..... MWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

Upping this to give its hilarity more exposure...

You should get the Congressional Medal of Honor for such a selflish act!

Diana: So folks, we're back. GE threatened to fire all non-essential non-writing staff if we didn't come back on the air.

Jordan: Those people are some sick f***s. Yesterday, they fired 50 of my best brain-washed cult members. How is Promise City going to run if they keep going around firing everybody?

Diana: Don't you mean Seattle?

Jordan (insistently): No, I mean Promise City. Didn't you see the ending scenes on the last day of work? I remember it specifically saying "Welcome to Promise City."

Diana: Well, a wish and a can of spray paint doesn't make it so...

Jordan (irritated): I know when I'm not wanted. (gets up to leave): I only came back because I was told I would be saving Promise City.

Diana: Sit down.

Jordan (raises eyebrow): Excuse me?

Diana: You heard me. Don't make me pistol whip your ass.

Jordan (coquettishly): Oh Diana, do behave!

Diana: In case you don't know... I'm Diana Skouris, star of the 4400 and....

Jordan (absentmindedly): Mmm.... Diana!

Diana (pointing to Jordan): And that highly talented lustpuppy over there is Jordan Collier.

Jordan: Awee, Diana, you finally said something nice about me....

Diana: Only because you paid the writers to put it in the script.

Jordan: But aren't the writers still on strike?

Diana: Not those writers.... the Ultimate Writer.... the One whose warped mind gives birth to all of this insanity.

Jordan: Psst. There is no such thing as the Ultimate Writer.... besides I'm the only Messiah you'd need to keep you warm at night.

Diana: Eww! You pervert!

Diana (absentmindedly, under her breath): Mmm... Jordan!

Amy Berg: Could you guys please hurry it up? We're trying to save the 4400, not run it into extinction.

Diana, Jordan: Amy? What are you doing here? We thought you'd be on the picket lines.

Amy: Hey, we need all the help we can get.

Diana (to self): I'd hate to disappoint you, Amy, but you came to the wrong place.

Jordan: So, what would you have us do to save the 4400?

Amy: Good question, Jordan. Sending snail mail to Bonnie Hunter is a good start. Getting your friends hooked on the 4400 is another way.

Diana: Well, I've already done all that. All my friends are so hooked on the 4400, they're practically part of the story.

Amy (raises eyebrow): Ha ha, Diana! Not funny...

Amy's cell phone rings. Afterwards, she gets up to rejoin the picket line.

Jordan: So, Diana, were we supposed to have a scheduled guest?

Diana (looking down at her script): Yeah. Shawn is supposed to be on today.

Jordan: In that case, let's welcome our favorite Healer, Shawn Ferrell.

Shawn: Hi, Jordan!

Shawn kisses Diana on the cheek.

Shawn: Hi, Diana. Love the vest. Simple, understated, yet classy.

Jordan (pouting): And I don't get a kiss? Not even after you've betrayed me so many times...

Diana (ignoring Jordan): Thanks, Shawn. Is that a Kyco suit you're wearing?

Shawn: Yes, it is. Kyle thought it would be excellent advertising for his line.

Diana (stroking Shawn's suit): I've always liked a man in formal wear.

Jordan: Hell-o! Jordan here! Jordan, the hottest man on Earth! Earth to Diana!

Shawn (absentmindedly): Mmm... Diana!

Jordan gives Shawn the evil eye.

Diana: Yes, Jordan?

Jordan: I thought we were supposed to trying to get people to call in and help save the 4400, not have you score a love connection.

Diana (strokes Jordan's cheek): Awee... is my favorite Megalomaniac getting jealous?

Jordan (blushes): A... tad.

Shawn: We need you guys to call in and help save the 4400. Because without the 4400.... what would you do for eye-candy?

Diana: Where else could you see someone as hot as me?

Izzy's Ghost (snapping her ghostly fingers): Nah uh, gurl-friend! No one is as hot as me. So, peeps, if you want to see more of this bootyliciousness (waves her ghost hands over her body), you better be gettin' out your phones and be callin'. True dat.

Jordan (absentmindedly): Mmm... Izzy's ghost!

Diana: What was that Jordan?

Jordan: Oh, nothing, Diana... just a tickle in my throat.

Diana: That number again, 1-800-SAV-4400.

Jordan: Remember the number one reason you watch the 4400.... all the hot people!

OMG, I can't take it!!!

roflmao

BUMP!

Oh, how I've missed the Diana and Jordan flirtations! I have been refueled.

Just doing my part to keep the world off its rocker....

Good work,promicinjunkie. I really like it.

Thank you, thank you!