MORE JOKES...WE ALL NEED A SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whorehouse!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"
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A man and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner.
After the waiter arrives the man says, "I'LL have your biggest, thickest Porterhouse steak."
The waiter replies "But monsieur ... what about ze mad cow?"
The man replies, "She'll have a salad."
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A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man," Where did you get such a big lighter?"
The man replies, "See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish."
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, "That genie is a little hard of hearing, isn't he?"
The guy replies, "Yeah. You think I asked for a 14 inch bic?"
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David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued:
"May I ask what the chicken did?"