In regards to my construct of Garrity, each Garrity is a part of the whole. Yes, he could clone himself a billion times, but after the first few, they start acting more and more like robots. Hence, why there has never been more than 5 or 6 of them on the field at the same time.

But Garrity himself experiences and feels everything each one of the clones is feeling. That is why they can complete each others sentences and know what the others ones know. But if Clone 1 is head over heels love with Shawn, Clone 3 loves Richard, Clone 4 wants to boink Kyle.... Garrity proper feels all of those conflicting feelings and it causes emotional problems for him. It doesn't make him more gay.... just in the rapid need of a good shrienk.

OHHH GOTCHA!!! Wouldn't it also make him a tad hornier??

Well, that, too. But as you know, he's always there to help himself out...

lmao!!! omg.... okay that is hilarious!!!

You don't have to say anything else, just continue on the way you do and it will be perfect!!!

BUMP!!!

Bumped for Megs and any "stalkers" and "lurkers" who need their fix of Internet crack!

Rebecca sauntered into the office, carrying a strange looking ray gun.

Rebecca: Men and their overeager curiosities. Imagining some weird conspiracy theory, and orchestrated through their boss, no less! Meghan will be shocked, shocked by this....

Garrity (irritatedly): You again? Shouldn't you be dead.... or worse?

Rebecca: Now, now, Garrity. Surely we can come to some kind of arraignment...

Garrity: Like the deal you gave Marco? Where he essentially becomes a pawn of the Marked.

Rebecca: He got better than he gave. After all, he did get you for a while...

Garrity: What do you mean, for a while?

Rebecca: I don't know about you, but the last time I checked Marco had passed into that Great Beyond.

Garrity: Perhaps you should do some fact-checking. Marco's not dead.

Rebecca (with a wry smile): Oh?

Garrity (angrily): Don't play those bullsh** games with me, Rebecca. You know very well that he's being held captive by the Marked.

Rebecca (feigning concern): My, my, Garrity's overcome with personal griel. Maybe NTAC could look into getting you connected with a shrienk of some sort.

Garrity: You monster!

Rebecca (thinking out loud): Now, if Marco was being held prisoner by the Marked, and mind you that's a big if, I might be amiciable in letting him go---- for a price.

Garrity (disgusted): And what would that be, Rebecca?

Rebecca: A private viewing of Garrity.... a very private, hands on viewing of Garrity.

Garrity: No deal!

Rebecca: Pity! And I was going to be gentle, too...

Garrity (scoffing:) That's hard to believe. After all, your idea of gentle, Rebecca, is running sandpaper over a baby's face to soothe it while it was crying.

Rebecca: Make your jokes now, Garrity, because the Marked will destroy this world and reshape it into our image.

Garrity: That hardly seems fair. A world of tampons, bonbons, and Oprah.... what did we ever do to you?

Rebecca: You were born.

Garrity: Not my problem. Deal with it.

Rebecca: And I intend to. I'm awfly sorry to do this, Garrity, but you leave me no choice. You simply know too much.

Rebecca cocks the ray gun in preparation to fire.

Garrity: And what's to stop me from using my abilty and simply overpowering you with sheer force of numbers?

Rebecca: I'm surprised you haven't noticed by now.

Garrity (confused): Noticed what?

Rebecca: This room has an ability dampening field that can be activated by remote control. We knew you pathetic humans would be sniffing around here for answers, so we decided to give you what you wanted.

Garrity: You trapped us?

Rebecca (tapping her forehead): That's right, O Smart One. Now stand still while I make me some KFG?

Garrity: KFG?

Rebecca: Kentucky Fried Gay.

Just as Rebecca was about to fire on Garrity, Rebecca suddenly fell to the ground.

Rebecca (confused): What the hell?

Richard (in Mr. T voice): I pity the fool that doesn't keep their backsides defended.

Garrity (sounding like a member of the A-Team): Thanks, Mr. T.... uh I mean Chocolate Thunder. I was sure my feathers were plucked.

Richard: Damn the Man for making me sound like a buffoon! And God, this feathered headband and jean vest jacket showing off my perfectly toned Nubian chest and arms.... couldn't they make me any more tacky?

Garrity: I like the way it shows off your hot body...

Rebecca: But why, Richard, why? Aren't we both working against the Man?

Richard: No, my dear, you're working against all men. You wish to shaft all men, while I only wish to shaft white, rich men!

Rebecca (raising her hand in a fist): Black power!

Richard (kicking her while she's down): Shut yo' mouth, you dirty, money- and power- grubbing w**re!

Garrity grabbed the remote from Rebecca and deactivated the abilty dampener.. Then he handed Richard the dampener and the files from Meghan's desk, and afterwards, handcuffed Rebecca and led her to one of the NTAC's secret prisons.

With Rebecca safely hidden away, Richard and Garrity planned their next move.

Garrity: We need to go tell Shawn and plan an attack on the Marked fortress.

Richard: I agree. It's about time we get to stick it to the Man!

[End Episode.]

LAMO SO true!!! Thanks PJ great epi.....It's about time Rebecca got hers!

Lurker here!

Oh, but you had to get your fix didn't you, Miss D....

Last Time on the Gay 4400....

Garrity and Richard managed to get a hold on the Man. Meanwhile, the Marked got a hold of Jordan and Marco. And we finally learned why Meghan is so stupid.... the man controlling her body can't get used to the equipment.

And now, tonight's episode of the 4400, brought to you by Pizza Hut's Stuffed Crust Pizza, which is a favorite of all gays because it's something that's stuffed.

"She Works Hard For Her Money"
Episode 5, Season 2
Air Date: Whenever the Hell PJ Decides To

Guest Director: Donna Summers

Marco: People get drunk all the time. Sometimes, it's funny, like when your buddy makes a fool of themselves on the dance floor. Other times, it's not, especially when someone does something regrettable, something that can't be taken back and is life-altering.

But in any case, eventually, the alarm clock rings and you have go back to your life. You get up, puke a few rounds, pop a few aspirins, take a shower, brush your teeth, fake a smile, and go about your day. And all the while, you sit at your desk, in your car, or on the salesfloor secretly cringing, hoping deep inside you hadn't done anything shameful.... or worse, that someone you know seen you act a fool.

So, you hear the whispers amongst your coworkers, believing them to be conspiring against you, laughing at you behind your back, discussing details on how to post your drunken video on YouTube. Your skin thickens and you dig yourself deeper into your work, praying for that five o'clock bell so you can take another drink.... and ironically, keep the cycle alive and well.

Promise City University
8:25 AM
Introduction to Jordanology II

Diana sat at her desk, waiting for class to begin in twenty minutes.

Xavier: Mommy, what we doing sticking around here? Don't we have work to do?

Diana: Can't blow our cover, baby. Unless you want Shawn breathing down our neck.

Xavier (thinking out loud): Doesn't sound that bad.... until I start remembering how much little goodie-two shoes would love the opportunity to shove something sharp into my head.

Diana: You're wrong about Shawn. He wouldn't kill you by shoving a dagger through your head. He'd use his hands.

Xavier: You think he'd go for a younger guy?

Diana: Well, there was that one time....

Xavier: What? Mother, you must tell me...

Diana: He once went out with Isabelle.

Xavier: That traitor! All she had to do was live up to her purpose, and I would have never had to be borm. And believe me the beds in the future are more confortable than these womb sized apartments...

Diana: But I thought good was the enemy....

Xavier: Oh hush up Mommy. I'm the evil mastermind here.

Just then, students started to arrive.

Megan: Professor Skouris, are you alright?

Diana: Just a little tense. Nothing a few hours in the gym can't solve.

Xavier kicks Diana.

Xavier: Fu** woman, you're Prego. A speghetti sauce, for crying out loud.

Diana: Uh, I mean a massage therapist. I keep forgetting I'm pregnant.

Megan: Would you like a massage and accupuncture real quick? You don't look well at all...

Diana lies down on the desk.

Diana: What do you mean?

Megan: You look absolutely evil. Which we all know can't be true.... after all, you're one of the good guys.

Xavier kicks Diana.

Xavier: What did I tell you about looking evil? That's right. Not to...

Diana: I don't know why. Must be tired, I guess.

Megan rubs Diana and she sighs as her body is worked over by Megan.

Diana: You give excellent massages, Megan.

Megan: Thanks, professor. Must be because of my ability.

Diana: Oh?

Megan: My hands can make anyone feel good.

Diana: Nice ability to have, if you can get it.

By then, the rest of the class has arrived and waiting on Diana's instruction.

Meanwhile...

Shawn was busy doing work at the 4400 Center. His clothes were dirty and crumpled, heavily stained with traces of day old vomit. His breath smelled of gin and tonic. Yet, for all of this, he was functioning... barely, but still functioning.

The secretaries were deft enough to keep clients at bay, either rescheduling their appointments or moving them to other people at the Center. Mostly, they gave Shawn paperwork, keeping him away from any heavy lifting.

Shawn (pouring himself another drink): Why can't I do anything right? Can't find Maia... can't land Jordan.... can't keep my family together... can barely keep this Center together.

Just then, Richard and Garrity entered his office.

Garrity: Shawn, we have new information about what is going on in Promise City.

Shawn (bitterly): Why don't you just give it to one of my secretaries? Everyone knows I'm a joke around here...

Richard: Dude, if you're going to be like that, we minus as well give up the fight against the Man. He's already won.

Shawn: Who cares? Life's nothing more than a drink... (puts glass to his lips and drinks it in one gulp): .... one sip and it's gone. If the Man wants high-priced vodka instead of some cheap rum in his drink, why should we bother his private misery?

Garrity (sniffing Shawn): Shawn, the alcohol's coming out of your pores. Maybe you should lighten up on the stuff.

Richard: And those clothes are due for a good burning...

Shawn: Leave me the fu** alone. All I want to do is whither and die...

Garrity: At this rate, you'd probably pickle rather than whither.

Richard: Shawn, if you don't want to care about what happens to you, fine. But what about those who care about you?

Shawn: Like?

Garrity: Like me and Richard for starters. And Maia and Jordan.

A flicker of light dances across Shawn's eyes.

Shawn: Jordan?

----At Promise City University----

Diana: Mmmm......Jordan!

Xavier: Traitor Daddy!

Megan: Mmmm.... Messiah hair!

Amerirish: Mmmm....... Gay lovin'!

Animefan: Mmmm.... what am I supposed to say, again?

Cut to Drew Carey hitting the buzzer.

---Back to the scene at hand----

Richard: We believe the Man have kidnapped Jordy and plan to hurt him.

Shawn (gets up and starts stumbling across the room, ready to find his buddy): Then let's go!

Richard and Garrity: We don't think so, Shawn. First we need to clean you up.

Shawn: But we neetodgo and sardan veJo.

Richard: How did he get so drunk so fast... did the Man slip him a mickey?

Garrity: Wouldn't put it past them, but we can't think about that now.

After a few hours of private massages and swimming lessons, Garrity, Shawn, and Richard were finally dressed and ready to go hunt down leads.

BUMPED so you can see it, Megs!

Fantastically hilarious...Great direction temporarily taking it back to the classroom. Stuffed crust!!!!!

Meanwhile, over the Marked Headquaters, sponsored by O! Magazine....

The Marked were sitting around waiting for Rebecca. A few hours into it, they started to get worried.

Paula Abdul (singing): He's a cold-hearted snake
Look into his eyes
Oh ohhh
He's been tellin' lies
He's a lover boy at play
He don't play by rules
Oh oh
Girl don't play the fool--no

Omarosa: Will you please shut the fu** up? There's enough noise going on in our heads without that racket you call music being pumped in there...

Paula: You're just jealous. I've got a hit single.... and what do you got? Nothing, but two firings from Donald Trump.

Omarosa: Eat me, bit**!

Paula: Make me!

Hillary (waving her hands): Will you two stop, please? Can't we all just get along?

Rosie: O please... if it wasn't for your incompetence, Hillary.... we'd be well on our way to winning the White House. Now some smoothtalking playa from ChiTown may as well be screwing in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Oprah: Don't you be talkin' 'bout my man, Obama like that! Take that back right now, Rosie.... or else admit you're a racist!

Rosie: I ain't taking crap back, Oprah! Just because you want everyone to think you're all nice and sweet.... let me tell you, you isn't no lollipop!

Paula: Rosie, I like your passion. Oprah, love the outfit!

Rosie and Oprah (in unison): Shut the fu** up, Paula!

Dr. Ruth: Will everyone please calm down? There will be more than enough time for us to be each other's throats.... once we take over the world.

Martha Stewart: That's right. Right now, we need to focus on finding Rebecca.

Rosie: I thought she was going to take care of the black guy and the hunky Latin breeder.

Oprah: Aha! Told you she was racist!

Dr. Ruth looks over at Oprah and gives her the evil eye. Oprah tries to act indignant, but eventually slinks down into her chair.

Dr. Ruth: Look, no one here is racist. If anything, we're all pro-affirmative action here. A black man is just a fine a victim as a white guy.

Martha Stewart: Do you think they could have bested Rebecca?

Rosie: Please! They're so stuck in the 80's, they probably think all aliens come from Ork.

Paula: Should we get Meghanroth to ask around?

Omarosa: Please girl, we all know Meghanroth is so dumb, she makes Jessica Simpson and Tara Reid look like members of Mensa.

All bust out laughing.

Hillary: I'll use my contacts in the government to find out where she's been and if she's been apprehended.

Martha: And I'll get started on my delightful Ginger and Pear Crisp for when we find out where Rebecca is.

Paula (confused): Um, ok?

Rosie slaps Paula upside her head.

Rosie: She's sticking a file in there, so Rebecca can escape.

Paula: Oh!

Oh no PJ, now you've done it! I cant stop the laughter!!! Those marked crack me up! I almolst want to say if I never saw a scene with gay lovin' in it again it would be okay as long as those man eaters stay around....ALMOST!

I agree. Maybe I should start a spin spin off called "The Adventures of the Marked: How Not to Run a Board Meeting".

Yes PJ, all you really need is to start more internet crack!!!

Mmmm..................Internet Crack!

And now time for a Gay 4400 Humor Moment....

Diana: Are you gay?

Jordan: Yeah.

Diana: Like pizza?

Jordan: Absolutely.

Diana: Then Pizza Hut's got the pizza for you. Now introducing Pizza Hut's Stuffed Crust Pizza for the low, low price of $12.99.

Jordan: What's so special about this pizza? Couldn't I just get a pizza from any of their competitors for about the same price?

Diana: But, you'd be wrong, Jordan. Pizza huts takes the finest mozzerrella cheese and stuffs it deep within the pizza crust. Then they wrap the crust all around the cheese and bakes it until the cheese is soo oooey, gooey it forms nice long strings as you bite into it and goes smoothly down your throat.

Jordan: Doesn't appeal to me. Sorry.

Diana: What? Have you taken your gay temperature lately? This is the epitome of gayness. All gays love stuffing crusts. It's like.... written into the gay handbook.

Jordan: I may be gay, but I will not be mocked.

Diana: Just like you're mocked weekly on the Gay 4400.

Jordan: That's not mocking. That's called getting my gay lovin'.

Diana: Would you eat it with a James Marsden bust?

Jordan: No, no I will not your silly stuffed crust.

Diana: Will you eat it with some dust? Or how about some motorcycle rust?

Jordan: How many times must I say this? No, I shall not eat your stuffed crust with some dust. No, I will not eat it with motorcycle rust.

Diana: Will you eat it in morn? Will you eat it while watching porn?

Jordan: No, I will not eat it in the morn. No, no, I will not eat it during porn.

Diana (crying): I don't know what to do then. I've got to sell 5,000 of these stuffed crust pizzas by next week else,.....I can't send our baby to college. You do want our baby.... sob, sob, sob.... going to college, don't you, Jordan?

Diana (absentmindedly): Mmmm.....Jordan!

Xavier: Daddy!

Jordan (sighs): Yes, I will eat the stuffed crust 'cuz I'm gay. Yes, I will eat the stuffed crust with some chardonnay. Yes, I will eat it every day. Yes, I will eat it when I'm grey. Yes, I will eat it watching Jay. In short, I will eat it just so they won't say....

Diana and Xavier: Mmmm.....Jordan!

OMG!!! Tooooooo funny! For some reason I feel like reading some Dr. Suess! I would defiantely eat it with James Marsden bust!!

Could it be because of my really bad Dr. Seuss rhyme imitation?

Hmmmm.... I never thought of that! And I thought it was spot on my dear! BRAVO!

I personally like my stuffed crust pizza in the morn!

...I just snorted!!!! Would you prefer it with porn or without?

Without, duh!

I should have known.....

^^edit^^

edit^^

Sam-I-Am, here is where you've been hiding...

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” We are certainly going to some strange places on this thread...

Would anyone be okay with going normal places on this thread? I know I sure wouldn't!!

LOL @ Animefan! Isn't weird and wonderful what you signed up for when you began reading this thread?

I, for one, didn't. I never assumed a joke I wrote in a couple of posts would be actually be turned into a thread. I never assumed anyone would actually read it, much less love it. I sure never assumed I would be doing the lion's share of the storytelling, or that I would legions of female ubergropies begging me for more scenes and episodes.

It's crazy, man!

Meanwhile...

Jordan sat in the Marked hospital room alone in the dark. He knew that they were planning some evil for him.... after all, they were the Marked, an organization bent on destroying the world's hopes for peace, harmony, and gay lovin'. His mind ran through scenarios of what they were going to do to him, each more sinister and twisted than the one before.

He thought about screaming for help, but he knew where he was: deep in the heart of the Marked Labyrinth, where no man's voice would ever be heard. Eventually, the varying thoughts in his head tired him out, and he closed his eyes, eventually having a dream flashback.

Seattle, 1982

Jordan had finally finished his Gay Real Estate degree and got a job at the successful Gay Real Estate Firm of Kressley, Allen, and Rodriguez. He quickly worked his way up the corporate ladder and was soon named Vice President of Disco and Dance Clubs Real Estate. However, his leadership style clashed with that of the Vice President of Hairsalon Real Estate K. Douglas and with that of the Vice President of Gay Furnishings, T. Filicia, and was given a choice of where to transfer.

Jordan chose to relocate to Seattle, in part because of the growth potential for his career, and because he remembered Tom was from Seattle. So, with a bag and a prayer, Jordan made the big trip to Seattle.

Jordan's Office, Seattle

Jordan had just come back with meeting with the city government of Seattle. They had just awarded Jordan's company with a contract to build a recreation center and meeting hall that could be converted into a nightclub when not in use by the city. He was drawing up drafts of the building when he heard a knock on the door.

Jordan: Come in.

Enter Tom and his fiancee, Linda.

Jordan, irritated by the intrusion, tries to get them to leave.

Jordan (not looking up from his papers): State your piece or leave me be.

Tom: Jordan, is that you?

Jordan looks up upon recognizing the voice.

Jordan (smiling big): Tommy, my man, what's up?

Tom: Nothing new, J, just came to see about using one of your company's dance halls and when I saw your name on the placard, I had to find out if it was the same Jordan Collier I knew and loved.

Jordan (arching his eyebrow): And am I?

Tom: You know you are.

Tom rushes over to Jordan and gives him a big hug. A hug that lasts a few minutes too long.

Linda coughs.

Tom (slapping his forehead): Oh, I'm sorry, Jordan. This is my fiancee, Linda. Linda, Jordan. Jordan, Linda.

Jordan eyes Linda suspiciously.

Jordan (raises eyebrows quizzically, voice becomes cold): Fiancee?

Tom: Yeah, we met on a case she was assigned to prosecute and I was set to testify on, and it was love ever since.

Linda grabbed Tom and clutched him tightly.

Linda (extending hand): So, you're the Jordan that he constantly talks about? Strange. From the way he talked, I was picturing some kind of Messiah.

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Jordan: What did you say, Linda?

Linda (scratching her head): I have no idea. It was as if my mouth had a mind of its own.

Jordan: So, Tom, this dance hall you were wanting to rent out? May I ask the purpose of the occassion and the number of people to be in attendance?

Linda: We plan on holding our reception there after the wedding.

Jordan (gulps): Wedding? (pulling Tom off to the side so they could speak privately): Tom, your wedding? I thought we were going to be married.

Tom: You know why that will never happen.

Jordan: If you still want to blame me for the Harvard fiasco, fine. But that still is no reason why you couldn't have told me about your wedding, to make me your best man. Especially after all those camping adventures.

Tom: The reason why I didn't tell you before now is because of how exactly you are acting now.

Jordan: Would you be acting normally if your best friend stabbed you in the heart?

Tom: Jordan, it's not that bad....

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Jordan (pointing towards Linda): And what's with the wet fish? If I was going to be replaced, at least you could have picked someone interesting.

Tom: J!

Jordan (returning to professional mode): I see, wedding party for 500. (scrolling down the availabilty and price list): Turtledove Hall is available. So is the Eros Night Club. And for a more refined place, try the White Light Society Banquet Hall.

Linda: Can we take a tour of the places before we decide?

Jordan (smiling): Sure. And don't worry about the costs. Consider it a wedding present from me to you and Tommy.

Jordan pats Tom on the butt and cops a feel before taking Tom and Linda on a tour of available facilities.

Jordan (absentmindedly): Mmmm.....Tom Baldwin!

Tom blushes.

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Months past and Jordan and Tom quickly patched up their past problems, much to the chagrin of Linda. She hated Jordan because he inspired Tom to be much more than a simple beat cop on the Seattle PD, inspired him to dream visiting places beyond Tacoma. All she wanted was a simple life in a simple town with simple priorities. Jordan threatened all her plans---- and then there was the look.

The look that Jordan and Tom shared that communicated so much without them even saying a word. The way Jordan would look at Tom whenever Tom wasn't looking.... it wasn't the way friends looked at each other. It was so full of hunger, so full of passion. And Tom looked at Jordan the same way, and as far as she could remember, he had never looked at her that way.

She knew if she was to have any chance with Tom, she would have to act fast. They were already hanging out too much together as it was. So, she hired a private investigator to find someone from Jordan's past.... someone who would be useful to keep Jordan at arm's lenght.

Seattle, two weeks before Tom and Linda's wedding, 1982

Tom's phone rings.

Tom: Hello?

Susan: Hi, baby bro.

Tom: Hey, Susie Q. What's up?

Susan: I was wondering if I could ask you a big favor.

Tom: Shoot!

Susan: I know how tight yours and Linda's money is right now, with the wedding coming up and all, and I don't want to cause any undue hardship.

Tom: Well?

Susan: I've been dating a guy and I think he's the one. I'd really like for you and Susan to meet him. Well, I was wondering if that spot was still open at the rehersal dinner so I could bring him.

Tom: I believe so, but let me check with Linda for a second. (calls out to Linda): Linda?

Linda (being cutesy): Yes, Tommy?

Tom(pissed off): What did I tell you about calling me Tommy?

Linda: Don't!

Tom: That's right, don't.

Linda (pouts): But it's so cute....

Tom: Anyways, Susan wants to know if we still have space available in the wedding. Susan's been dating some guy and wants to bring him with her to the rehersal dinner so we can meet him.

Linda: Tell her to bring him. My dog groomer just cancelled, so we'll have plenty of space.

Tom (back on the phone with Susan): Sure, bring him along sis. The more's the merrier.

Seattle, Three Days before Tom and Linda's Wedding, 1982

Tom looks around the church for his sister. Off in the distance, he finally sees her and jogs over to meet her. Oddly, he finds her alone.

Tom (confused): Susie Q, I thought you were bringing a date.

Susan: I am. He just had to stop and use the bathroom. He'll be with us in a sec.

Susan sees a man over in the distance.

Susan (waiving her hands): Imroth, over here.

Tom (choking on his own spit): Imroth? As in Jansen Imroth, CEO and Co-Founder of Tumescent Software?

Susan (beaming with pride): That would be him.

Imroth finally arrives and kisses Susan on the cheeks.

Susan (making introductions): Jansen Imroth, my brother Thomas Baldwin. Tom, meet Jansen Imroth.

Imroth: Pleased to meet you--- is it Thomas or Tom?

Tom: Please, call me Tom. Only family and childhood friends call me Thomas, and usually just to razz me.

Imroth: As you wish, Tom. Susan just can't say enough nice things about you.

Tom (blushes): Thanks. Susan's always held me in high regards, even as a child. I don't know why, since I've always been a failure and dropout.

Imroth smiled privately. He knew exactly why Tom was a failure.

Imroth: Well, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. I mean not everyone can be perfect, no matter how hard you try.

Tom: Um, thanks. I think.

Susan: So where's the lovely bride to be at? I would love for her to meet Jansen.

Tom: I think she's talking about possible changes with the wedding coordinator in the front of the church.

Susan: Come on, Jansen-poo. Let's go meet Linda.

Susan and Imroth (in unison): Bye, Thomas.

Tom (to myself): I swear I don't know why, but already I don't like him.

Just then, Jordan came over to ask Tom something about the wedding plans. Jordan sensed something was wrong and asked if Tom wanted to go and get a cup of coffee while they waited for the wedding rehersal to start.

Starpennies Coffee Shop, Seattle

Tom (sipping his dark Columbian roast coffee): In case I haven't told you already, I appreciate everything you've done to help me get ready for the wedding.

Jordan smiles as he sets down his chai latte. His smile belies the fact that inside, he's heartbroken. Jordan puts his hand over Tom's and gently caresses them.

Jordan: It's nothing, bud. Just being a good friend.

Tom: I've been meaning to ask you something. I keep meaning to bring it up, but with the wedding and all, I've just been too busy. But it's something that I have to ask you now, before it's too late.

Jordan, thinking it's Tom realizing his mistake in marrying Linda, becomes all giddy inside. Yet, there's no sign of his excitement showing for Tom to see.

Jordan (arching eyebrows): Oh?

Tom: Would you be my best man?

Jordan felt as is he was a balloon and someone took a pin and popped him. But he wouldn't let Tom see that. He was going to try really be there for Tom, no matter how much it hurt him personally.

Jordan (cheerfully): Absolutely. But why didn't you tell me sooner? I mean it only leaves me a few days to plan your bachelor party....

Tom: Well, you weren't around when I was considering the wedding party. All of my Seattle friends, love them as I do, I didn't see them standing beside me in that capacity. Then, you came back into my life, and I knew I wanted you to be my best man, but I felt so guilty. Like I was somehow disappointing my Seattle friends.

Jordan: So did you meet Susan's date?

Tom: Yeah, I did. He tries to come off all smooth, but behind it, there's something sinister about him. I don't trust him, J.

Jordan: I smell a job for the best man. Point me to him at the dinner, and let me put my magic to work.

Tom (jumps up and hugs Jordan): Thanks, man. I know that no matter what, I can always count on you.

Jordan sighs and leans into Tom.

Jordan: I'll always be here for you, bro.

Seattle, Wedding Rehersal Dinner, 1982

Jordan, feeling good after the hug from Tom, and eager to help out his buddy, was ready to do battle for fair Ms. Baldwin's honor. What he wasn't expecting was the surprise of seeing Imroth there.

Jordan: So, Susan, I hear you have a new boyfriend?

Susan (blushing): Of course I do, Jordy.

Jordan: So when do I get to meet him? I promise I won't bite.... hard.

Susan: As long as you promise to bite me.... first.

Jordan (winking): I'm sure that can be arrainged.

Just then, Imroth arrived and sat down in a seat next to Susan Baldwin.

Jordan (spitting his drink out): Imroth? Your date is Jensen Imroth?

Susan: You sound shocked Jordan...

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Tom shoves a dinner roll into Linda's mouth.

Tom (to Linda): Can't you see the Reverend is trying to say the blessing for the meal? How uncooth do you have to be to swear in front of the Preacher?

Jordan: It's just....I never expected him to fall for your type.

Susan (irritated): And exactly what is Jensen's type?

Jordan: Someone built more like a brickhouse than a dollhouse and with an extremely active corpus collosum rather than a vena cava.

The Reverend shoves a dinner roll into Jordan's mouth.

The Reverend (to Jordan): Didn't your mother teach you not to use such language at the dinner table?

Jordan (shrugs): What can I say? My mother was a sailor...

Imroth (trying to smooth things over): Susan, please forgive Jordan. He doesn't know what he's saying. You see, he knew me in college. In fact, we were even roommates.

Susan: Oh? Interesting...

Imroth: When I was in college, I fooled around. A lot. And well, I've given up those things.... for you, baby.

Susan (cooing): Thanks, Jen-sey. You always know how to say the right thing.

Jordan (inflamed by Imroth's bullsh**ing): That's not what I what I meant! He's a flag-waiving, fashion-designing homosexual! I still can't see how he could ever fall in love with a good woman such as you...

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Susan: I agree Linda! Jordan, I never knew you to hold such bigotted views.

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Tom stuffs a fork full of cheesecake into Linda's mouth.

Tom (feigning a smile): Something sweet, for my sweet!

The rest of the evening went on normally, everyone exchanging their usual amount of small talk with the other guests. Towards the end, Imroth excused himself to go to the bathroom, and realizing this was his moment to confront him, Jordan left the table and went into the bathroom as well.

Jordan: What the hell is going on, Jensen?

Imroth: I thought you would have been happy, Jordan. I'm finally over you.

-----Back in the Reception Hall----

Linda (absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Susan: That was uncalled for, Linda! Jordan's not even in the room.

Linda (with a headache, absentmindedly): Mother fu**ing Jordan!

Tom kisses Linda.

---Returning to the Bathroom----

Jordan (raising his eyebrows): Are you?

Imroth (lying): Yes. I am.

Jordan: So tell me why are you purposely going after Tom's sister?

Imroth: I didn't know it until recently that her brother Tom was your friend from college. After all, Tom's a pretty common name.

Jordan: Okay, fair enough. So, what if I gave you ten million dollars to dump Susan? Just leave here right now and never look back...

Imroth: That's the way you solve all your problems, isn't it Jordan? Hand someone a fist full of dollars and make it go away? Well, there are things more important than money, and love is one of them.

Jordan: Does that mean you want more money? (pulls out his checkbook): Would twenty million be more to your liking?

Imroth: No, it means I won't do what you want for any amount of money.

Jordan: So what do you want? Anyone can be bought for a price....

Imroth: If you want me to leave Susan alone, I want you to leave Tom alone.

Jordan: So it does come out! You're jealous of Tom's and my relationship...

Imroth: Not jealous, resentful. You never treated me the same way as you treated Tom. Even after he said he wanted nothing to do with you... (sighs:) All I ever was for you was a good time.

Jordan: Oh, Meghsy! It's not that I don't love you... it's just a different kind of love... like a brother. Me and Tom's got history, a history so deep that it can't be written down.... it's something only me and Tom can understand.

Imroth: How come we never had a history that only me and you can understand?

Jordan: Because frankly, Jensen, you freak me out. I always feel there's something dark hiding underneath that shell of yours.

Imroth: Maybe you scared me. Always so perfect, you were. I felt so insignificant.

Jordan: I'm sure being the big baddie of a growing company will soon take care of that.

Imroth: But good is money if you don't have love. If I can't have you, I'll take what I can get.

Jordan: But is that fair to Susan? What has she ever done to you?

Imroth: Tell you what. You spend one night with me, one night that you give your self willingly and openly to me, and I'll walk away from Susan forever.

Jordan thinks for a moment, but something tells him that it's just not right.

Jordan: I'm sorry, but I just can't.

Imroth: Then my original offer still stands. Leave Tom, and I'll leave Susan.

Jordan (sarcastically): Sure thing, Linda.

Jordan leaves Imroth and returns to the group.

Over the next couple of years, Imroth would try and goad Jordan into leaving Tom, and each time Jordan would refuse. In response, Imroth would abuse, rape, and belittle Susan, even to the point of breaking some of Susan's bones.

Each time Jordan or Tom would try and get Susan to leave Imroth on her own, she would refuse, saying that was Imroth's way of showing he cared. Jordan and Tom tried getting Imroth arrested on domestic violence and abuse claims, but by that time Tumescence Software was rapidly expanding and becoming Ubersoft, Inc. Imroth simply used his power and money to keep himself out trouble, a skill he learned, ironically enough, from Jordan Collier.

Rebecca eventually came back and collected Imroth to recondition him to be one of the Marked, finally allowing Susan to be free of the tyrant. Unfortunately, for her, Imroth had already impregnated her. In time, Jordan found her a nice man by the name of Jake Ferrell, who showed her the true meaning of love. Only problem was.... the baby growing inside of Susan.

Jake Ferrell quickly married her and went about adopting baby Shawn. A couple of years later, he died in a mysterious car crash, leaving Susan Ferrell alone and pregnant with another child, Danny. But for the grace of God, Imroth remained unawares of baby Shawn and forever left Susan alone.

---Back to modern times----

Jordan woke up in a start, refusing to believe Meghanroth could not be saved.

So...exactly who are these ubergroupies you speak of PJ???

Actually, Megan, PJ used the term "ubergropies." Freudian slip, we suppose?

LOL.....hmmmm....maybe....

Love it, Animefan! My words are being deconstructed for hidden "meanings".

Although in reality, I meant ubergroupies. Or maybe I was thinking of Megs.... can't remember now.

I hope so!!!!

Have you seen the edit?

Now I have!!! Thanks for the reminder!!! So is Mother F**cking Jordan! Just a straight women curse?? LOL!

FYI: MFJ IS a straight woman's curse to lament the considerable skills J has in wooing away their men!

Looks like that is going to be copy and pasted to the 1,001 things thread!!!

I'm suprised it took you this long to figure it out!

But PJ, dont you know that I just didnt really see a pattern until now?

I see....it's good to know my writing isn't too easy to predict!

Two new haikus at my private journal....

Awesome you know I am there!!!

^^major edit^^

Tumescent software!!!! ROFL!! Makes me wish for another cameo from PJ...

Great Edit PJ!!! I was totally enjoying all of the exchanges between Imroth and Jordan considering their last meeting! Great stuff!!

(absentmindedly) Mother Fu**ing Jordan!

I know how much you would!