USA Network Forums > Caption It!

brattycatty

Jun 23 2006, 02:36 AM

Hello everyone,

I've seen threads like this on other boards but couldn't find one here. I came across some photos I thought would be fun to play with --

These are from the Reel VDO site, here's the URL:
Reel Vincent D'Onofrio page, image gallery (screencaps)

Eames: You're such a klutz.
Goren: Oh yeah? Well, I'm smarter than you. And taller.

And now, my Columbo impression ...

Betcha this time they take it out of your salary.

Eames: Oooooo, this is just like the X-Files.

Eames: If you do that Columbo impression one more time ...

Eames said if I do that Columbo thing again, she'll shoot me.

These next ones are from a posting site called Flickr:

Flickr Photo Sharing -- Law and Order CI on location

(If you scroll down to "Tags" at the bottom and just to the right of the photo and click on "LawAndOrder," you can see a lot more interesting photos, some of location shoots in NY.)

D*mn, not another parking ticket.

Oh, I'm a big-time actor. I can stand anywhere I want.

Discerning cats watch Law & Order: CI!

OK, now you guys (and gals) do some.

Below, Vincent shows how much he loves his fans --

And I'm not sure where this one's from --

Colors

Jun 23 2006, 05:51 AM

Loved those pics! The last one is funny, who wants to wear purple, yellow or turquoise hair? LOL

Kath

goren_fanatic

Jun 23 2006, 08:34 AM

Those picture were absoultley hilarious!!! I especially like the last two. What episode was the one with the wig shop?? If anybody know it would be a help.

tngorenfan

Jun 23 2006, 11:19 AM

Hilarious! Thanks so much!

Patcat

Jun 23 2006, 02:51 PM

The wig shop is from season Three's HAPPY FAMILY, I think.

Patcat

brattycatty

Jun 23 2006, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Hilarious! Thanks so much!

You're so welcome, it was a hoot. Now won't somebody else do some? Puh-leez?

brattycatty

Jun 24 2006, 03:09 AM

Well, I guess I'll do a couple more ...

These are from the Velocity of Vincent website . A lot of fun pix, but some are very explicit (no, not Goren -- VDO's movies!) and the "drool" factor is high, if you like that sort of thing (raises hand)

Goren: Look, I got them perfectly lined up.
Bishop: Yeah, that's very, uh, Monkish.

No, I do not want help with my Sudoku!

These next two are crying out for captions, but I can't think of any, so go ahead.

Grumps

Jun 24 2006, 08:41 PM

Goren : You see that girl up ahead?
Eames : Yeah
Goren : Well those shoes do NOT match that outfit!
Eames : I know what you mean!

Chocaholic

Jun 25 2006, 01:45 AM

Erbe: I still don't understand how this alternating episodes system works.
D'Onofrio: Look, it's very simple. NBC started with one of ours, then it's one with what's-their-names, and so on and so on...until the season ends. Get it?

Erbe: So did you check how the dialogue turns out?
D'Onofrio: HA! I did, I counted up all the words of dialogue, and we get more in OUR episodes than what's-their-names do in THEIRS! Woo hoo!

brattycatty

Jun 25 2006, 02:43 AM

Grumps and Chocaholic, I like those! Can you paste in the pics?

Chocaholic

Jun 26 2006, 02:02 AM

Done, and I'm shocked I was able to do it!

brattycatty

Jun 26 2006, 02:35 AM

Well done, Choc

This is just plain addictive, isn't it?

Photos are courtesy of Eliza at Velocity of Vincent, http://www.flickr.com/photos/axis/30541864/
and Index of Personal Screencaps("To the Bone") at http://bowne.simplified-evolution.net/personal/

Whaddaya mean, they've got more lines than we do?!

OK, OK, I'll try and get more lines for you two. Thinks: It's lonely at the top ... *sigh*

Bishop: Am I boring you? Not as exciting as your other partner?

Goren: Don't I look like one of the guys in Reservoir Dogs?
Bishop: Oh, yeah. You should give Quentin Tarantino a call.

Chocaholic

Jun 27 2006, 02:35 AM

Brattycatty, yes these are fun to do. I have a couple of suggestions though:

1. How about posting the pics before any captions are included, to give others a chance to make suggestions? Maybe this would encourage more participation.

2. On the Deakins pic, the one where he talks about giving more lines, I would guess he's thinking: Just humor these juvenile adolescents a little while longer, 'cause once I'm retired I'm OUTTA HERE!!!

tngorenfan

Jun 29 2006, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Brattycatty, yes these are fun to do. I have a couple of suggestions though:

1. How about posting the pics before any captions are included, to give others a chance to make suggestions? Maybe this would encourage more participation.

2. On the Deakins pic, the one where he talks about giving more lines, I would guess he's thinking: Just humor these juvenile adolescents a little while longer, 'cause once I'm retired I'm OUTTA HERE!!!

Great idea! You people are so funny! Keep these coming!

Does anyone remember that Vincent's birthday is tomorrow? We should throw a party.

brattycatty

Jun 30 2006, 03:40 AM

OK, here are some more, but I'll hold my tongue this time and let you guys caption them.

Thanks to Eliza at Velocity of Vincent, http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
and Personal Screencaps ("To the Bone") at http://bowne.simplified-evolution.net/personal/
and NBC official LOCI site (next to last photo) at http://www.nbc.com/Law_&_Order:_Crimin...tent/index.html
and Gilles Toucas Photography (last photo) at http://www.gillestoucas.com/home.html

Also feel free to copy photos from earlier in the thread and write in your own caption. (For anyone who doesn't know how to do this -- select "Quote" by the post and delete what you don't need, then add whatever you want.)

Grumps

Jun 30 2006, 02:49 PM

I wanna do one hope its alright i use ur Columbo idea,brattycatty, well......... here goes

Caption Anything new to report on the case
Eames : No
Goren : As a matter a fact there is
Caption What?
Goern : well............shhhhhhe wont let me use my Columbo face
Eames : He's just beenig a baby
Caption : *signs* here we go agian

Chocaholic

Jun 30 2006, 11:19 PM

Goren: This isn't exactly the world's best kept secret, but I get all my swagger and cockiness from my size 13 shoes!

Rodgers: Mike, don't say you're going to arrest me for performing a service to the community!
Logan: I know Barek has been a real pain, but did you have to do her in like that?

Goren: Let's get one thing straight right now Logan--this squad room only has room for one studly hunk and that's ME!

D'Onofrio: Oh no, how am I going to explain to Kate I miscounted the words in our dialogue, and it's really what's-their-names who really have more?

Erbe: Can you believe it? This klutz miscounted our lines!
D'Onofrio: OK, OK, so I made a mistake. Maybe the captain can petition for more for us.
Sheridan: Don't get me involved in this crap, I'm leaving at the end of the month, remember?

D'Onofrio (thinking): When I agreed to do some promo photo shoots, I didn't realize I'd have to go so low as THIS!

brattycatty

Jul 1 2006, 05:34 AM

Quote:

All right! I finally finished a five-star Sudoku!

Come on, pull my finger.

Nobody knows I spend my days off right here on the couch, doing Sudokus.

Man, this second career thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

tngorenfan

Jul 3 2006, 01:30 PM

You guys are still funny! Do some more!

brattycatty

Jul 22 2006, 09:17 PM

Is anybody out there besides me? Hellooooooooo!

Well, just in case anybody shows up ...

As always, please feel free to recaption one I've already done.

Bishop, are these extra small size gloves? This is so not funny!

Yeah, they're still too small, and this one has a hole in it.

Ah, just one more question ... does this look like an extra large to you?

Eames: Captain, he's driving me crazy. Are you sure you can't get them any larger?
Goren: I've lost all feeling in my fingers.

Ah hah! Police gloves, extra strong latex, in XXL! Eames, can I use your Mastercard?

Bishop told me about that Reservoir Dogs thing. Cut it out, Bobby!

Goren: Tan loafers with a slate gray suit?!
Eames: Yeah, that's just pathetic.

How's this sound: "Dear USA, I'm a character because I catch criminals while being brilliant, weird and totally hot."

Goren: Oh, look at the cute widdle foofy poofy doggie! Are you my widdle sweetie-kins? Yes, you are!
Eames: Geez, you two wanna get a room?

Goren: Ooh, I like this!
Eames: Oh, grow up!

Look, I know you don't like gas guzzlers, but next time we're taking the Ford Excursion.

Yeah, I know Noth got more lines than you last week, but have you seen his "Myspace?" Sheeesh!

Goren: See, I told you! Here's my spot for "Characters Welcome" on USA.
Eames: Yeah, you're a character, all right.

Shall we tango?

From Homicide: The Subway

Where the h*ll's my Emmy?!

No, I didn't win the Emmy that year! I was robbed!

********************************************************************************
***************

OK, here's some more photos, somebody caption 'em!

Photos courtesy of
Eliza's Velocity of Vincent site at http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
and NBC's official CI site (9th pic down) at http://www.nbc.com/Law_&_Order:_Criminal_Intent/
and Vincent D'onofrio Photo Gallery (15th pic down) at http://webs.sir-ranulf.net/donofrio/gallery/

EdinaMonsoon

Jul 24 2006, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Is anybody out there besides me? Hellooooooooo!

Well, just in case anybody shows up ...

As always, please feel free to recaption one I've already done.

********************************************************************************
***************

OK, here's some more photos, somebody caption 'em!

brattycatty

Jul 24 2006, 07:08 PM

I like your take on Goren/Bishop, Edina! <burp>

By the way, I based the one with the dog on one time when I was working at the animal hospital. I was helping with a cute fluffy cat and talking sweetly to him. Another technician asked if I'd like him to get a room for us. (I answered, "Would you, please? That would be great!")

EdinaMonsoon

Jul 24 2006, 11:32 PM

Quote:

I like your take on Goren/Bishop, Edina! <burp>

By the way, I based the one with the dog on one time when I was working at the animal hospital. I was helping with a cute fluffy cat and talking sweetly to him. Another technician asked if I'd like him to get a room for us. (I answered, "Would you, please? That would be great!")

A-ha! As a "fellow" cat-lover (and slave to one "Mr. Smokey"), I understand completely! And actually, I picture Bobby as more of a cat person. But then, in a perfect world, he'd be an equal opportunity animal lover.

Grumps

Jul 25 2006, 07:51 PM

Goren : Ha! he is just mad i've caught way more criminals then he has!

gorenfan

Jul 26 2006, 04:15 PM

need help to caption a photo that is uncaptioned

thanks
gorenfan

karraselle

Jul 27 2006, 09:31 PM

Why are there pizzas on the ceiling ?!?

Alright...Who put the pizzas on the ceiling directly over my desk? Logan, was it you??

Pooh: Welcome to Fatty's Pizza Palace...whaddya want?

Goren: (snickers) Yeah, um...Can I speak to Fatty, please?

Pooh: He's in the back... Fatty!! You got a customer!!

Pyle: He ain't here! And I'm busy doing some paperwork...Take care of it yourself!!

Listen, Fatty, I've asked you nicely...Now tell me who ordered those pizzas!

Goren: Look, Fatty told me you ordered the pizzas. If you're mad at me you could've just said so...I mean, we're partners Eames...How could you?

Eames: Okay, yes, I did order the pizzas. But I did not put them on the ceiling!

Goren: There is moldy cheese dripping on my suits everyday...Drycleaning is not cheap...Come on, Captain! Aren't you going to at least reprimand her or something!!

Eames: I didn't do it.

Deakins: She says she didn't do it.

Bishop: I'm telling you, Mr. Carver, you should've seen his face when we found out the steam roller murders were committed by Fatty's cousin and the pizzas on the ceiling were a clever ruse to distract the NYPD's greatest detective!

Goren: You murdering little punk!! It was you all the time!! I accused my fellow officers you rat-bastard!

Eames: Bobby, I know this whole case has had you on edge...But, really, did you have to throw him through the glass? You know how the captain feels about injured perps...

fade to black

Chocaholic

Jul 27 2006, 09:34 PM

Goren: So you broke another artificial fingernail and it fell into the machinery again, didn't you Det. Bishop? Good gawd, when is Eames coming back?

Goren: Never mind about there being some smells I can't identify! I can identify this one just fine, and you don't wanna know where this finger's been!

Goren: Yes, I am on my way to my department physical. So what's your point?

Eames: Yes, Det. Goren just got back from his department physical, Captain. Don't ask.

Goren: Wow, get a load of the photo Barek posted on her Myspace page! She's only wearing one of her gawd-awful hats!

Eames: Do you know where the nearest bakery is?
Goren: Eames can have her scones, I'm looking for a good cannoli.

Goren: Say, aren't you the guy who wrote the research paper on the effects of consuming black cohosh and morning primrose as aphrodisiacs?
Eames: See what I have to put up with on a daily basis?

Goren: No, I don't have a psychology degree. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn once!

Goren: See Eames? This dog has traces of cinnamon and ginger in his fur, which can only mean he's been in an Indian restaurant in the last 8 hours!
Eames: Bobby, that dog is wet and smelly. Put it down and let's get out of here!

Goren: I've been known to swing pipes at perps. What do you think it would feel like to have an entire building hurled at you?

Eames: Bobby, this doesn't look like the right address. Why didn't you ask for directions like I asked you to?
Goren: Me? Ask for directions? Are you questioning my all-knowing ways Eames?

Goren: What were you doing on the computer before I arrived?
Eames: Barek heard about your gawking at her Myspace photo. I saw the photo of you that she Photoshopped--whoa baby!

Eames: Bobby, you've been staring at that TV for hours. What gives?
Goren: See that guy on "American Idol"--isn't he the waiter that brought us the veal parmigiana two years ago when we went out on that department dinner for...

Perp: You call this dancing? I could dance rings around you, Detective!
Goren: I wouldn't brag if I were you. By the way, you need some Tic-tacs or mouthwash--very badly!

D'Onofrio: What do you mean LOCI is assigning Barek as my partner next season?!?

Connie: Bwahahaha! I see you still can't dance worth a lick, Detective!
Goren: What I said to that other guy goes double for you!

Goren (thinking to himself): Now that I've killed a few hours this morning counting the ceiling tiles, I think I'll spend the rest of the afternoon reading my PDR.

Goren: Barek isn't the only one who knows how to use Photoshop!

Goren (singing) I should be dancing, yeah yeah yeah!
Eames: Is it too late to submit my letter asking for a new partner? Acquired taste my ass!

Bishop: No, Det. Eames, you can't have your desk--or HIM--back!
Goren: Looks like you two ladies are going to have to settle this out in the back alley.

Bishop: I am so into being your partner, Det. Goren. Why don't you call Det. Eames and ask her to delay her return from maternity leave?
Goren: Don't listen to her. If she thinks she's staying on as my partner, I'll really have something to faint about!

D'Onofrio: What do you mean Noth's episodes got higher ratings than mine?!?

Deakins: Are you packing heat Detective, or are you just glad to see me?
Goren: Yes Captain, I'm very very VERY glad to see you!

brattycatty

Jul 30 2006, 01:33 AM

Quote:

need help to caption a photo that is uncaptioned

thanks
gorenfan

Hi, Gorenfan, what I do is select "Quote" instead of "Reply," then delete what I don't want (keeping the picture(s)) and add my caption. Does this help?

brattycatty

Jul 30 2006, 01:37 AM

Karaselle, I love L&O:CI "Pie in the Sky!" Thank you so much, I just got back into town and I needed that!

Oh, and I see you're a nutty VDO fan too

brattycatty

Jul 30 2006, 01:38 AM

Hi Choc, those are great! ROTFLMAO!

brattycatty

Aug 1 2006, 08:49 PM

Thanks to you, Karaselle, I hope you don't mind, but I just couldn't help myself ...

Quote:

In New York City
The detectives of the Major Case Squad
Handle important and fascinating cases
... Or not ...

Law & Order:
Criminal Inattention

PART ONE: Tonight on Law&Order:SVU

"A Dog of a Case"

Elliot: Hello, Detectives Benson and Stabler, we understand Governor Pataki's aunt was sexually assaulted and her dog was stolen?
Woman: Yes, I'm his secretary, and he told me to call you.
Olivia: Where can we reach her?

Pataki's Aunt: Raped? Of course not! No, no, Georgie and your Captain Cragen are good friends. He probably wanted the best detectives working to find Foo-Foo. My birdies really miss him -- Foo-Foo, I mean.
Munch: Er, that's very flattering, ma'am. We'll get back to you.

Olivia: Pataki wants us to do what?! I thought Munch caught the case!
Elliot: Sorry, Munch said he's got anthrax again.

Elliot: Cragen said since it's not a sex crime, we can find some other department to pass the buck, er, the case to.
Olivia: How about Major Case? You helped Goren out with that marijuana incident. He definitely owes you one.

Elliot: Hello, Major Case? We got one for you. Yes, Cragen squared it with Captain Deakins. (snickers)

END OF PART ONE

PART TWO: Tonight on Law&Order:Criminal Intent

"This Case Really Bites"

Eames: Oooh, this looks interesting! "The Case of the Purloined Papillon." What's a Papillon?
Goren: It's a dog, Eames. A little shrimpy one.

Deakins: But this should be a piece of cake for you, Goren.
Goren: Oh, come on, Captain. This is just Stabler's way of getting back at me for winning that poker game last Saturday.
Deakins: Too bad. You caught the case, you make it.
Eames: Told you.

Goren: So this is where you last saw your dog?
Pataki's Aunt: Yes, that's where my Foo-Foo likes to sit, right there on that cushion.
Goren: Good, we can get a hair sample.
Eames(thinking)Did I set the VCR for WWE Wrestling?

Goren: Come on, Eames, the case is picking up! Pataki's aunt got a ransom note!
Eames: Well, Bobby, that's just splendid. (thinks)I MUST remember to pick up my dry cleaning.

Goren: It says, "Bring $100,000 in unmarked bills to the dog park at midnight tonight, or Foo-Foo gets it, and I don't mean a bone."

Goren: Great news, Eames! Forensics got prints and fibers off the ransom note! They're working on the location.
Eames: So we're almost done? (thinks)Oh goody, I'll be home in time for "American Idol"!

Eames: This is the only hotel in the city with western sage 200-thread-count satin sheets and dewy snowdrop double plush wool carpet.
Concierge: What are those gloves for?
Goren: Don't ask.

Goren: That smell ... that's --
Eames: I know what it is. Excuse me while I go hurl.

Goren: It's almost midnight. We can catch the kidnapper by surprise from this alley. How's your stomach?
Eames: Don't ask.

Goren: Captain, we got Foo-Foo back!
Eames: I'm more of a cat person myself.
Goren: Well, me too, but this guy is pretty cute. And the case is over! C'mon, Eames, I'll spring for the margaritas.
Deakins: Not so fast, you two, you don't have a perp yet. Your suspect got away, but CSU needs you at the dog park.

.............Goren and Eames: WHAT!?!

TO BE CONTINUED ...

END OF PART TWO

Thanks to Law & Order: SVU Galleries (photos 1, 2) at http://www.oceansandgalaxies.com/galleries/svu/index.html
and NBC's official CI site (photos 3, 4, 7, 15) at http://www.nbc.com/Law_&_Order:_Criminal_Intent/
and Strange Visitors (photo 16) at http://www.strangevisitor.org/
and Eliza's Velocity of Vincent at http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
for the rest.

karraselle

Aug 2 2006, 11:03 PM

Splendid, Brattycatty!! I'm so glad you jumped on the bandwagon. I'm trying to think up a new eppy myself...looking for just the right pics. Anyone else want to give it a try? It's loads of fun.

brattycatty

Aug 3 2006, 03:11 AM

Thanks Karaselle, I'll try to work on the next part tomorrow. I have to take my cat to the vet

EdinaMonsoon

Aug 3 2006, 04:33 PM

These are getting more and more hilarious! You are ALL an incredibly talented and ENTERTAINING bunch! Thanks so much for the laughs!

SVU_Sweetheart

Aug 4 2006, 10:03 PM

These are awesome!

brattycatty

Aug 18 2006, 04:34 AM

(Sorry this took so long -- my cat is fine now, though.)

Law & Order:
Criminal Inattention

PART THREE

"Juggling a Hot Dog, er, Potato"

Eames: I'm telling you, Bobby, this case is making me sick.
Goren: Oh, come on, let's finish this up and we'll get those margaritas, I promise.
Eames: Oh joy.

Eames, look! Footprints and pawprints! ...Eames?

Goren: Well, um, the dog was kept here, on this leash, while the perp went to pick up the ransom. See, these fluffy white hairs, and you can smell the --
Eames: Um, excuse me. (retches)

Whaddaya mean, she's out sick? For the rest of the ****ing week?!

Deakins: Hey, Eames just called, she's --
Goren: Yeah. I heard.
Deakins: Goren, she sounded sick as a dog.
Goren: I'm sure she did.
Deakins: Well, not to worry, I called Bishop.
Goren: Yeah. I was afraid you'd say that.

Oh, this could not get worse. Stuck with Bishop and this stupid case? What am I gonna --

-- Wait just one minute. Stupid ... that gives me an Idea.

Well, will you look at all these dumb-a** hats! Ooh, that one is hideous. She'll love it.

Logan: You did what? Told Goren we'd take that "missing mutt" case for a god*mned hat?
Barek: Wha ...

Barek: Boy, am I a chump. Too bad that voodoo lady's in jail -- I'd like to sic her on Super Sherlock Goren.

Logan: Hey, I'm sorry I lost it this morning. Why don't I call Major Headcase and tell him where he can put it?
Barek: Thanks, Mike, but I'll handle it myself. Do I look like a dishrag to you?

Deakins: Yes, yes, I see ... no, I'll take care of it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Yeah, sure, you can keep the hat.

GOREN!! Put down that Sudoku and get in here!

Yes, you! C'mon, c'mon!

END OF PART THREE

Thanks to Eliza's Velocity of Vincent at http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
and Personal Screencaps (photos 9-14) at http://bowne.simplified-evolution.net/personal/

karraselle

Aug 18 2006, 05:40 PM

ROFLMAO!!! OMG, Brattycatty!! That's hilarious...thanx so much. Glad to hear your kitty's better. Guess I'm gonna have to get off my duff and actually work on my next episode...Thanks again, it was great.

brattycatty

Aug 20 2006, 04:02 AM

Thanks, Karaselle, I can't wait for your next eppy. Meanwhile ...

Law & Order:
Criminal Inattention

PART FOUR

"Interminable"
or, "A Case of No Interest"

Bishop: Let me get this straight, Captain -- Governor Pataki tricked SVU into taking the case of his aunt's kidnapped poodle, SVU bounced it to Major Case, and Goren and Eames got Fifi back, but you told them they still had to catch the perp. Then, Alex called in "sick" and Detective Goren tried to palm the case off on the B-Team, but they kicked it right back and now I get to help him solve it? What a ridiculous story! I can't believe you thought I'd fall for it!
Deakins: Well, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
Bishop:Wha ...you don't mean ...
Goren: Yes, he does. And it's a Papillon, not a poodle.

Goren: Uh, the kidnapper, he, uh, entered the dog park from this street. Here, these--these bloody footprints, size ten Nikes, check out the wear pattern ... they should match the ones from the park ... oh, and these white hairs stuck in them, that's Papillon belly fur. Looks like Foo-Foo bit back. Montijo, get the rest of the CSU team up here ...oh, Bishop, got your gloves? Good, help me with this, uh, this ...
Bishop: Ah, sh**.
Goren: Yeah, that's it.

Goren(thinks)Athletic, fast runner, high-end sneakers, but not good with animals at all ... is that a pencil up there? Looks like a number two ... what's that in my pocket ... a black peppermint? They're really zesty ...
Bishop: Goren!! I said, Forensics is waiting for us!

Bishop: So, Elton, what have you got for us?
Technician: Well, the fingerprints are smudged, and the DNA results aren't back yet, but the hair and, er, feces are consistent with ...
Goren(thinking)Those Patricia Cornwell mysteries are due back at the library ... did I set the Tivo for Forensic Files?

Bishop: You never sleep. Why did you have to doze off in there? Elton was really hurt!
Goren(yawning) This case is better than Lunesta.

Eames:" ...approximately five feet, eight inches, medium build, Nike sneakers, size ten, may have a dog bite on the hand or leg. Call in tips to Major Case at ..."
Goren: Alex, you little -- I knew you weren't sick!

Goren: See, I straightened up your desk.
Bishop: Lovely. Now can we start on those phone tips? The stack's over a foot high, and they're on your desk.

Goren(thinks)Maybe if I'm very very quiet, she won't find me in the men's room ...
Bishop: Goren, I know you're in there! Barek told me!

Goren: Here's one from a woman asking why Foo-Foo wasn't in the announcement with Eames ... and this guy wants dibs on the Nikes when we're through with them ... oh, and the local psychic says our perp is near a body of water and knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried ... (thinks)I'll get Alex and Barek real good for this ... -- OWWW! Oh, not another paper cut!
Bishop: Would you like another Band-Aid?

No, Bishop, I would like you to shoot me.

NEXT WEEK ON LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INATTENTION:

Has Goren finally been brought to bay? Or will he pick up the scent?

Thanks to Eliza's Velocity of Vincent at http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
and Flickr Photo Sharing (pic 6) at http://www.flickr.com/photos/axis/30541864/

karraselle

Aug 20 2006, 11:20 PM

In New York City
Something awful happens every ten seconds
Tonight...
It's his turn...

Law & Order Criminal Intense

Tonight's episode...

"Veneno Pollo"

Eames: Hello, I'm Detective Eames and this is Detec...Excuse me a moment, please. (to Bobby) Goren! Get over here! We have witnesses to question!

Goren: (thinking) You know, ever since we arrested Doogie Howser I can't get enough of these champagne truffles...

Eames: Thank you for seeing us. We just have a few questions...

Goren: (interrupting) Hey, could you jab a some of those marshmallows on here and start a fire?

Eames: So you were at your mom's house Thursday night...

Goren: (interrupting, again) Are you going to finish that sandwich?

Deakins: Yes, Eames, I undersood the problem when you were screaming about it in my office this afternoon. You don't have to reiterate...Yes...I know...Calm Down Eames! I talked to Logan. He said he'd help you interview the witnesses. He'll meet you for breakfast in the morning, you can brief him then.

Eames: (thinking) mmmm, I love pancakes.

Goren: (to waitress) Yes, I ordered the fritters and eggs..

Logan: (thinking) Why can't he just get a platter of ham and bacon like a normal person?!? What the h*ll is a fritter anyway?

Eames: Bobby, if you're finished eating cheetos and channel surfing, Logan has a suspect and we have a warrant...I think we should go search this guy's apartment.

Goren: Yeah?...I'm thinking Arby's...

Fast Food Worker: Welcome to KFC can I take your order?

Goren: Um, yeah...I'll take a sixteen piece bucket with mashed potatoes and cole slaw, a large order of spicy buffalo wings, a couple of those snacker sandwich things, and a small diet pepsi.

Fast Food Worker: Yes sir! Your total comes to 147 dollars and 62 cents.

Goren: Will you take a check?

Fast Food Worker: (sighs heavily and points) Didn't you see the sign, sir?

Kentucky Fried Chicken
We Don't Take Checks Here!

Goren: How about a credit card?

Bishop: Deakins called me in to help...what's with you? Can't you offer me anything on this case?

Goren: Sure...I'm gonna run into this 7-ll over here and grab a snickers, you want one?

Male Detective: Well, this is the suspect's garage. I don't know what you expect to find...We've already been through here with a fine toothed comb.

Bishop: No, he's really good at this...See? He's found something already...What is it Goren? Tire treads? A footprint?

Goren: Would you look at that? Somebody dropped a perfectly good handful of chicklets...

Bishop: (horrified) Oh God, no...please don't...EWWW!

Deakins: You want to talk about it, Bobby? Even Bishop is complaining, and you know how she worships you...The over-eating, the lack of concentration...If you were my son I'd just say you're growing again.

Goren: (groans painfully)It feels like something's growing bigger by the second inside my stomach right now...I should've picked up some antacids when I was at the 7-11 earlier.

Barek: Hey, Eames...He's finally paying for it...I just heard Goren's sick as a dog...Doc thinks maybe food poisoning.

Eames: Serves him right.

Goren: Please, Doc, kill me...

Doctor: Mr. Goren, it's not that bad...Just a mild case of food poisoning. You can go home. A friend of yours from the police department is here to take you. Just drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest...You'll be fine.

Goren: (relieved) Eames...Oh thank God...

Bishop: Okay, let's get you home...

Goren: (groan) where's Eames? (retch)

Bishop: She's still mad at you for making her do some actual work on the last case...Plus, she didn't want you puking in the SUV.

brattycatty

Aug 21 2006, 01:36 AM

Post deleted by brattycatty

karraselle

Aug 21 2006, 03:44 PM

Thanks! LOL yep. A lot more to come as I have time I'll add a few panels here and there. Glad you're enjoying it.

EdinaMonsoon

Aug 21 2006, 11:45 PM

You folks are ALL TOO MUCH!!!!! I'm dying with laughter! I keep wondering, what if the cast and writers of the show saw these?

brattycatty

Aug 22 2006, 12:52 AM

Um ... they'd sue?

brattycatty

Aug 22 2006, 02:10 AM

Ever more hilarious, Karaselle! Bobby should get some antacids to go with that Snickers!

karraselle

Aug 22 2006, 09:25 AM

Well Edina, I really hope that they have a sense of humor and might find these things at least mildly amusing...but, the truth be told, they would probably shake their heads and worry about the intelligence level of their fanbase. I don't want to believe that they'd sue...Surely they know that anyone who has time to waste on this kind of thing is either a housewife or working at some really boring low-paid job with access to a computer.

Love the new panels Bratty...and thanks for the idea I'm going to qoute you somewhere in the next few panels.

Keep sharing the fun...these things crack me up. I think we might be the "short bus" of LOCI fans!

brattycatty

Aug 23 2006, 04:42 AM

Law & Order:
Criminal Inattention

PART FIVE

"Overcoming a Great Barrier"
or, "Stressed Position"

This case, it--it's interminable. And Bishop, she's driving me nuts! I keep seeing that empty chair. I miss Eames -- her cool intellect, her confidence -- her atrocious puns ...

I used to--to love this job, but now I'm thinking about a different career.
Olivet: Like what?

Well, Quentin Tarantino hasn't called back about Reservoir Dogs 2. But I could open a shoeshine stand in Central Park! You can meet a lot of people --
Olivet: Uh, Goren --

Or do you think I should stick with the acting? I could do a TV series. I might even get nominated for an Emmy!
Olivet: Let's just back up a bit.

Goren: I know how this sounds. Yesterday I caught myself thinking about Nicole Wallace. What if she walked into the squad room? I was actually looking forward to it!

That's when I realized I needed help.

Goren: Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.
Olivet: I'm glad you came in, Detective. Why don't you take some time off?
Goren: I need to finish up this case, but I could use a break. Day in, day out, talking to one neurotic basket case after another ...
Olivet: Welcome to my world ... ah, I mean, why don't you do something fun, then. It could help you to relax.

Mmmmmmmm ... I know just the thing.

END OF PART FIVE

Thanks to Eliza's Velocity of Vincent at http://www.freewebs.com/thevelocityofvincent/index.htm
and Vincent D'Onofrio Photo Gallery (pic 5) at http://webs.sir-ranulf.net/donofrio/gallery/
and Gilles Toucas Photography (pic 4) at http://www.gillestoucas.com/home.html
and Carolyn McCormick Fan Page (pic 10) at http://lawandorder.freeservers.com/mccormick/

SVU_Sweetheart

Aug 23 2006, 05:07 PM

Ok, no one like yell at me...

If you don't get it, does no one notice how she says "You're under arrest - for murder" the same time, every time? My brother and I were talking about it earlier and this is just something I came up with.

Svu_obsessed_chic

Aug 23 2006, 06:08 PM

I like that. I do notice how she always says it kind of the same way

brattycatty

Aug 23 2006, 11:06 PM

LOL! Voldemort, look out!

karraselle

Aug 24 2006, 09:41 PM

SVU_Sweetheart, I have noticed that...you'd think she could change it up just a little now and then.

Brattycatty, LOL I love the new panels! I wonder what Bobby has in mind? Can't wait!