What are some of your fav quotes? One of mine is: Chase-"We've got an MRI scheduled in 20 minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine." House-"I teach you to lie and cheat and steal and the second my back is turned you wait in line!" (Failure to Communicate)

Ha ha, thats a good quote
I trying to think of some quotes but I cant. Not from one single episode. The classic quotes just come flying out of Dr House's mouth so thick and fast that I never have time to remember one before the next classic line comes.
Maybe I'll have to tape an episode and write some house quotes down on paper

oh oh, my fav from season 1 .

House : (to wilson) What can I say ,chicks with no teeth turn me on.

How can you treat patients if you don't see them?

House: It's easy if you don't give a damn

This is from Detox

Cuddy: You know there's other ways to manage pain.

House: Like what, laughter, meditation?

Cuddy: Your in denial.

House: Right, never had infarction in my leg, no dead muscle, no nerve damage, doesn't even hurt, kinda tickles. Chicks dig this (lefts his cane up) better than a puppy.

Cuddy: You can't go a week without the drugs.

House: No, I DON'T want to go a week without the drugs...it'll hurt.

House: Why does everyone think I'm being sarcastic?!

(OK, that's easy because it's in the promo they keep showing, but it's a good one!)

i dont know what eppy but he walks in at night and cuddy asks
cuddy:what are u doing here
house: hooker,went to my office instead of my house (says it sarcastically) it sounds so funny! who thinks that house would look better with no stubble? i think his stubble looks cool but some of u might think hed look better with skin!

i luv that show!!!!!!! House looks better w/ stubble! skin not 4 him!!!!!!!!!!

" Hello sick people, i'm docter Gregery House." (mines better-just kidding )

Hi Bubba here, here is one.

Dr. Wilson: I forgot I needed a reason to give a crap.

Dr. Gregory House: You're actually giving two craps.

Dr. Wilson: The metric system always confused me.

The #1 House-ism:
Everybody lies.
............
From Paternity:
House: When did my signature get so girly?

Cameron: I can explain.

House: See that “G”, see how it makes a big loop on top? It doesn’t even look like my handwriting. Think I have something? What’s the differential diagnosis for writing “G’s” like a junior high school girl?
..............
House: Dr. Cuddy, great outfit.

Cuddy: What are you doing back here? Patient?

House: No, hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.
..............
Cameron: What about sex? [referring to a patient]

House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
........................
From Occam's Razor:
House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I’m Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Gregg. I’m one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning...This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so, unfortunately, she’s much too busy to deal with you. I am a BORED [pause] certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I’m also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is here against his will. That is true, isn’t it? But not to worry, because for most of you this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin.
...................
Cameron: Men should grown up.

House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves, it’s not gonna happen.
............
House: [to clinic patient] You think it’s going to come out on its own? Are we talking bigger than a breadbasket? ‘Cause actually, it will come out on its own, which for small stuff is no problem. Gets wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop! Big stuff, you’re going to rip something, which speaking medically, is when the fun stops.

Patient: How did you –

House: You’ve been here half an hour and haven’t sat down, that tells me its location. You haven’t told me what it is, that tells me it’s humiliating. You have a little birdie carved on your arm, that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I figure it’s not hemorrhoids. [pause] I’ve been a doctor 20 years, you’re not going to surprise me.

Patient: It’s an MP3 player.

House: Is it...is it because of the size, or the shape...or the pounding bass line?
................
From Maternity:
House: Because the hospital’s her [Cuddy's] baby, and her baby’s sick. If she doesn’t solve this soon, her head’s going to explode, and I don’t want to get any on me.
........................
From Fidelity
House: It’s a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
.....................
From Poison:
House: I assume “minimal at best” is your stiff upper lip British way of saying “no chance in hell”?

Chase: I’m Australian.

House: You put the Queen on your money. You’re British.
..................
House: She’s risking her son’s life based on a teenager’s claim that he washed something. How mentally incompetent can you get?
................
House: I’m sorry, but the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. Learned that one the hard way.
........................
From DNR:
House: You’re talking about your penis in the third person.

Willie: Me and him, two people.

House: Separate vacations? That’d be a drag for one of you.
...................
House: Patients sometimes get better. You have no idea why, but unless you give a reason they won’t pay you. Anybody notice if there’s a full moon?

Cameron: You’re saying he just spontaneously got better?

House: No, I’m saying let’s rule out the lunar god and go from there.
..................
Hamilton: Gregg. Can I have a word?

House: Can it wait for the commercial...Marty? Say “hi” to my friend, Jimmy.

Hamilton: Pleasure. Your diagnostic trial...

House: Seriously, commercial’s in about five minutes.

Hamilton: ...it’s a dangerous game.

House: Only if we’re watching in the bathtub.
..............
Student: You’re reading a comic book.

House: And you’re calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I’m competitive by nature.
...................
Cuddy: You know, there are other ways to manage pain.

House: Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra?
........................
From Cursed:
House: Fascinating story. You thought of adapting it for the stage?
.................
Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?

House: I’d hate it. That’s why I cleverly have no personal life.
..................
House: The little ones call me Uncle Gregg...You mentioned two obscure diseases to Dr. Chase. How’d you know about them?

Jeffery: I read about them on the internet.

House: So, what’d you search for? “Diseases from Asia that don’t match my son’s symptoms”?
........................
House: [to a Vicodin that was under some papers] There you are. Were you scared. It’s okay. You’re home now. [Swallows it.]
...................
From Control:
Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.

House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.

Cuddy: Wear the coat.

House: Man oh man. Someone got spanked real good this morning.
....................
House: Oh, it’s storytime! Let me get my baba.
....................
Those are my favorites through the episodes that have shown on USA.

But my favorite is his playing air synthesizer to Baba O'Riley at the end of Control. And the tongue flicking across his lips when he's concentrating on something he really likes (it shows up again in future episodes.)

House: Bros before hoes.

House: Harsh toke dude!

And one of my personal favorites...
House: Who da man? I da man. I always suspected.

Hi Bubba here,

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.

Dr. House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

foreman: his right testicle is almost twice as big as his left
house: cool


cameron: could pain medication cause an orgasm?
house: i wish


house: you know me, hostility makes me shrink up like a....
i cant think of a nonsexual metaphor.


house: what else turns you on? drugs? casual sex? rough sex? casual rough sex? im a doctor. i need to know.

--------------------------

Hi Bubba here,

Dr. House: How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?

Cameron: You pulled my medical records?
House: You coughed the other day, I was concerned.
Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight year old boy with a puzzle that's just a little bit too grown up for him to figure out.
House: To-MAY-to. To-MAH-to.

--------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Cameron: That's not necessarily bad news.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Do you ever watch "Gilligan's Island" reruns and really, really think they're going to get off the island this time?

----------------------------------------------------------
Bill Arnello: You wanna get hit too?
Dr. Gregory House: That would be quite a trick. He slapped me so hard that his brother turned straight.
Bill Arnello: Joey is not gay.
Dr. Gregory House: Maybe not gay. But certainly delightful. And hitting a doctor. Even if it was only Chase... and then asking another to keep his chart fresh and homo free.

----------------------------------------------------------
House: [to Cuddy] Hey! He knows more homeless people than any of us!
House: [to Foreman] Go check out the hood, Dog!

Alright, everyone knows this one:

House: Brilliant diagnosis!

House is searching for his pill he finds it and he says to the pill, "there u r, y were u hiding? were u scared, its time to go home" and then he takes the pill.

Hi Bubba here,

Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.

Dr. House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

Wilson-"House who are your freinds"
House-"you and Karl down in accounting"
Wilson-"his name is kevin"
House-" so its his secret friendship name"

Hi Bubba here, here's one.........

Dr. Foreman: I think your argument is specious.

Dr. House: I think your tie is ugly.

house: im thinking i can convince vogler it would be more cost-efficient to keep all of them.
wilson: yeah, you should be able to pull that off. most billionaires arent very good with numbers.
house: it will be more cost efficient once ive grabbed cameron's ass, call foreman a spade, and chase...well, i can grab his ass too.
wilson: you are uniquely talented in many areas but office politics is not one of them.

house: that paralysis thing. guy cant walk for two years, nobody knows why. it seems mildly interesting.
cuddy: forget his paralysis.
house: tell that to the rest of his bowling team.

house: what the hell are those?
cameron: candy canes.
house: candy canes? are you mocking me?
cameron: no! it’s Christmas and- and I-I-I thought–
house: relax. it’s a joke.

___________________

Hi Bubba here,

Dr. Cuddy: Dr. House!

Dr. House: Time for Girl Scout cookies already?

Dr. Wilson: Get me some Thin Mints.

chase: when i was in med school i had this old professor..
house: who touched you in the naughty place?

cameron: you got a new cane.
house: yeah. guy in the store said it was slimming. vertical stripe.
___________

Hi Bubba here, here's one...............

(Talking about Cuddy)

Dr. Chase : You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty.

Dr. House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.

Dr. Wilson: [Wilson is quoting a poem from a patient of House's] 'The healer with his magic powers! / I could rub his gentle brow for hours. / His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, / Everything about him leaves me raw-'
Dr. House: Psych ward's upstairs.
Dr. Wilson: -with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same.' It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
Dr. House: What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
Dr. Wilson: That's fairly disgusting.
Dr. House: That's ageism.
Dr. Wilson: You better watch yourself around this babe.

--------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Cuddy: If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.

Hi Bubba here,

Dr. House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

dr cuddy.. if you would consider going to a shrink, i would pay for it myself. the hospital would hold a bake sale, for God sake.

that was great, chase13!

house: No. if you talk to God your religious. if God talks to you, youre psychotic.

cuddy: dr house! we need you here!
house: sorry. a lot of sick people. i might catch something.

house: You like me. Why?
cameron: That’s kind of a sad question.
house: Just trying to figure out what makes you tick. I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by grandma
________________

Hi Bubba here, great quotes guys.

Dr. Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?

Dr. House: Nonexistent... otherwise, excellent.

Argggggggg I dislike this man! Yes Volger!!!


Episode: Babies and Bathwater

Vogler: "Gregory House is a symbol of everything wrong with the health care industry. Waste, insubordination, doctors preening like they're kings and the hospital their own private fiefdom. Health care is a business, I'm gonna run it like one. I hereby move to revoke the tenure of Dr. Gregory House and terminate his employment at this hospital, effective immediately."

Woman on the Board: "Don't you think we should discuss this?"

Vogler: "We just did.

House - No. If you talk to God you're religious, if God talks to you, you're psychotic.

Here's a good one from last night's episode on Fox. Foreman is acting all upbeat and positive since his brush with death, refusing to argue or trade quips. This drives House up the wall and he is baiting Foreman.

Foreman:(calmly) No matter how much your misery loves company, it's not getting mine.

From "Kids," on USA last night:

Cameron:(her condition to House, to come back to work) Dinner ... a real date.

YEAAAAAAH Cameron!

Quote:

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From "Kids," on USA last night:

Cameron:(her condition to House, to come back to work) Dinner ... a real date.

YEAAAAAAH Cameron!

---

Haha lol I agree!

YEEEEAAA Cameron! =D