Cragen: "Let me guess: an acrimonious divorce."
Munch: "Is there any other kind?"

Munch: "A beautiful woman who hasn't seen the inside of a nice restaurant in months....Will you ever have dinner with me?"
Hendrics: "Not while I can still feed myself."

Fin failes his weapons test because he shot off his bullets too early.
Munch: "They have a pill for that now."

Enjoy

Munch: "How would you like to ride to the crime scene with two handsome members of the NYPD?" Chamelion

Munch: "Call me a hopeless romantic, but I don't see a little court order standing in the way of your undying love." Waste

Munch, referring to flowers as "big waste of money for something that dies in a few days."
Fin: "No wonder you're divorced, I send them all the time."
Munch: "Only because you have to," Wrath

Olivia: "How is it like to sleep with a man who rapes other women?!"

Elliot: "When you are being brutalized by me, you'll know it."

Munch: "Dodge Ball?! Haven't they outlawed this barbaric practice yet?...I literally weighed 98 pounds. I can still hear them. 'Break the pencil!' I was a walking bruise."

Fin: "That's just cold!"

Another of my favorites from last night's --

Cop Elliott worked with: Tough gig ... you've gotta love the job.

Elliott: No. You've gotta hate it. It's the only way you'll be any good at it.

Munch:There should be a special level of hell for this pus-sucking, gangrenous malignacy of a mental Amoeba
Cragen: Did Some Body steal your parking space again?

Alex: An a for an eye leaves the whole world blind

Stabler: All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing

Munch: Damn it to hell, you got crap on my shoes!
Fin: Well if you want to [censored], switch places with me.

I gotta pick up my daughter from school -Melinda Warner, Blast I know this isn't a funny quote, but I love this quote from Melinda it's just so sad I think. It's one of her best quotes from Blast.

Munch: "No way. I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again as long as I'm on this mortal sphere." Payback, s1

Munch: "I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind while surrounded by intellectual insects." Payback, s1

Munch: "Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives who get you with that lucrative back end deal." Hysteria, s1

In the eppy "Mean"

Olivia
" Trust me I know. My friends are the ones that hurt me the most."



Captain Donald Cragen: Since when is oral sex not sex?

Det. Olivia Benson: Since Bill Clinton said so


Munch
"Thank God for technology!"

I don't remember the whole quote but it has Munch saying that his gym teacher called him a retarded gazelle, or something like that.

I don't remeber it either, but if it's about Munch, it's just got to be BETTER THAN BEST!

LOL. retarded gazelle! Munch is so hilarious.
hmm whats my favorite?
eeww i dont have a quote but Olivia says she lost her virginity when she was like 17 to a guys that was her age now. (she was probly 30ish) she said she thought they were soul mates. doesnt sound like ovliia!!

Stalked, s1
Munch: "Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless donuts?"

Munch: "Only been partners a few months but the man's already starting to think like me....only slower."

Stocks & Bondage, s1
Munch: "Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked."

Elliot: I am not buying it. Kathy wouldn't come home, I'll be out looking for her.
Olivia: That's you.
Elliot: That's everybody
Olivia: That's bull

Somebody uses this in they're sigge, and I love it!
Perp: '"Screw you."'
Olivia: '"I can screw you harder!"'

I scanned through the post quickly and I don't think anyone posted these but I could be wrong.

From ep. Chameleon

Perp being arrested at a sex club: "This is all a big mistake; I had no idea what kind of club this was."
Benson: "Your fly's down."


Can't remember the ep but it was when the shrink was attacked by her patient who thought she was in love with him.

Narc Officer: "We caught this one with his pants down, he was about to do her."
Perp: "Hey, I was trying to help her up."
Benson: "With your penis."

I like ur Quotes daisygirl there all great.... I just love how they migjt give us a little bit of hope they might get together.. uhh we can always have our own little wishes lol

Thanks GUrl, those quotes are some of my favorites. As for as the ones that give you hope that they might get together, I assume you are talking about my signiture. I love my signature and they do give me hope too. haha!

My absolute favorite SVU quote of all time:

Benson and Stabler talking about passing genes to their children

Olivia: "Yeah well at least you and Kathy knew what kind of genes you'd be passing on. Mine is half drunk and the other half violent and cruel.
Elliot: "And look how great you turned out."

i love that quote!!!!!! elliot was so nice to her *sigh*

One from "Raw" the other night -- Cragen is so underappreciated!

Cragen (examining the bullet hole in the wall map):Well, looks like he took out Tulsa. (pause) Probably unintentional.

Oh, another good one.
Munch :You're a little webmaster racemeister.

Here's a fun website, just select "episode guide" and you can see quotes (and confirm wording of your favorites, as I did), and there's other fun info. TV.com -- Law & Order SVU

i'm not sure about the exact wording and it's more of a memorable line than a favorite one...

cassidy to benson in "closure, pt.1": "... as long as you have this job, your marriage will always be an affair."

Stabler: That year you're doing on your head... add 25 more and choke on it.

Benson: We blame all kindas of people for creating monster. Why not ourselves?

Cragen: since when is oral sex not sex?

Benson: since bill clinton said so.

lolz! that cracked me up!

casey: "ladies and getlemen weres the real det. elliot stabler"

episode: "class"

From "Venom" this week:

Fin: Prisons are full of innocent people -- and we both know what color most of them are.

Epi: Abuse
Ricki Austin:LEAVE US ALONE!!
Liv: Ricki, your daughter needs help.
Ricki: Get Away Before I call the police!
Liv: Mrs. Austin,I AM the police.

Epi: Legacy
Elliot: This case is like a jigsaw puzzle!
Cragen: Well let's look at the peices weve got. One suspect is eliminated, One's cooperating, and one is hiding behind his lawyer.
Fin: Pictures getting clearer

Epi: Legacy
Judge Petrovsky: Can your client account for his whereabouts during the window of oppertunity?
James Woodrow: He was at home with hi family.
Alex Cabot: Not to be reboundant, but that's precisely where the attack took place.

I only really have two favorite quotes...

Olivia --> "I'm Sorry are we offending you?"

Olivia --> "Are you up for coffee?"
Casey --> "Every second of everyday"

Munch: "Let's go invade their privacy."
Eliot: "How do you walk away? You just don't walk away after twenty years."
Fin: "That's my Jew." Munch: "Shalom."

Fin : "Where is it exactly you were shot again?"
Munch : "In the ass. Would you like to kiss it and make it better?"

I have a question.. does anyone know which episode this was from..?


Elliot: I am not buying it. Kathy wouldn't come home, I'll be out looking for her.
Olivia: That's you.
Elliot: That's everybody
Olivia: That's bull

from "Legacy"

Munch: ..But on you will go, though the weather be foul, on you will go though your enemies prowl. on you will go though the hakken-kraks howl, onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. on and on you will hike, and i know you'll hike far, and face up to your problems, whatever they are.

from "Control"
Liv: Maybe Mr. Goreman didn't want to be a man anymore.
Elliot: You really think he wanted his Johnson hacked off?
Cragen: Ok, so either a homeless man snipped him or he had a voluntary penectimy (sp?). not a word i get to use everyday.

from "Lowdown"
Fin: Don't look at me, I just know stuff. (after explaining what the "down low" was and getting wonderful expressions from Cragen and Elliot)

This is one of my faveys from Charisma:

Huang: 'And you think this is a big waste of your time?'
Munch: 'No, no, I think that we should sit around the whole day and chat about our feelings.'
Huang: 'What do you want to talk about?'
Munch: 'Well, doesn't really matter. We could all talk 'till we are blue in the face. It is not gonna change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and we'll always come up with ellaborate, repulsive and depraved ways to kill each other.'
Huang: 'And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?'
Munch: 'What?'
Huang: 'That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be, you still can be sickened.'
Munch: *scowls*

i tried not to post too many that have been posted before...

of course, the ever loved:

Perp: Honey, I'd like some mineral water, a little ice.
Olivia: Yeah, well, I'd like your balls in a blender, but ain't life a [censored].
Elliot: Maybe you shouldnt've called her "honey".

Stabler: He's already figured that her death is less important than his life, his career — oh, man.
Benson: What?
Stabler: I just know, a guy like that — his alibi's gonna check. (walks off)
Benson: (takes one look back at the perp) Bastard.

Audrey Jackson: Do you have a girlfriend?
Munch: Do you?
Audrey Jackson: Well, have you dated at all since transferring to this unit?
Munch: Ah, now I see where you're going with this. Does dealing with sexual deviants every day affect me? The answer is no. Just ask my blowup doll.
Audrey Jackson: Do you think that this job has had any effect on your sex life?
Munch: No, but I think I've pinpointed what has. Believe it or not, I have serious intimacy issues. I'm critical and negative. I have an occasional bout of... let's see, melancholy? I'm a lousy date, but a good cop. So, I guess that just about covers everything.
Audrey Jackson: Uh, no. Actually, we have 45 minutes.
Munch: So I suppose you want to hear a detailed account of my sexual history? But how are we going to kill the remaining 44 minutes?
Audrey Jackson: Do you always deflect personal questions with jokes?
Munch: Do you always deflect jokes with personal questions?
Audrey Jackson (getting annoyed): Have you ever experienced any sexual dysfunction since taking this job? And I'd appreciate a serious answer.
Munch: Once.
Audrey Jackson: Thank you. When did that happen?
Munch: I'm not sure, but it was definitely within the last 10 minutes. I'm sorry. Look, I'm not good at talking about me. You're the expert, why don't you talk about me?
Audrey Jackson: Okay. You've been married multiple times. Each wife was beautiful, spoiled, and not one of them matched you intellectually. You distrust all women, any form of government, and you could smell conspiracy at a five-year-old's lemonade stand.
Munch: (amused) Anything else?
Audrey Jackson: You've given up on relationships. But you still believe in true love. And the pain of never having found it is unbearable.
Munch: (serious) Anything else?


Olivia: (to a serial killer) You want the whole world to think that you're a victim? Well Maggie, you're getting your wish. Because the state's gonna kill you.

Alex: A woman can say anything she wants to about your performance in the bedroom and you aren't actually allowed to kill her.

Alex: [On women's rights] They've proven they have the right to die by lethal injection just like any man.

Casey: [Casey goes to a judge's home to get a signature on a search warrant. She finds him playing poker with four other judges] I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.

Fin: I can't wait to hear this.
Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Olivia: What happened to you?
Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Elliot: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

Munch: Miss Webber was told to disrobe, put her feet up in stirrups, and try to picture David Hasselhoff on Baywatch.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Your honor, this witness is not qualified to testify on the treatment for hysteria.
Munch: Actually, sir, I am. Up until 1952, hysteria was one of the mostcommonly diagnosed illnesses among women. The medical treatment was hysterical peroxism.
Court Reporter: Could the witness spell that?
Munch: O-R-G-A-S-M
Defense: Objection! Would it surprise you to learn that, historically, the onus fell upon physicians to bring about the relief of these ladies' symptoms?
Prosecution: Your honour, please instruct counsel to withold his questions until cross.
Munch: I don't mind, your honour. In fact, I believe the manual version of this treatment dates back to Hippocrates and was attested to right up until the Middle Ages, up until the 1890s, when the vibrator was invented to speed things along.
Prosecution and Defense: (in unison) Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Prosecution: Detective, is this practice currently against the law?
Munch: Yes. And so is videotaping it.

Defense attorney: I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.
Alex: She does or you do?
Defense attorney: Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?
Alex: Uh, to see your face on TV?

Munch: Not the Benjamin Hadley, more powerful than Pat Robertson, able to leap a tall Democrat in a single bound? President of ‘Midvale College,’ which used to be a podunk nothing, now it’s suddenly a think tank for the neo-conservative movement."
Olivia: "Although that’s an oxymoron."
Munch: "I love you Olivia. ‘Family values,’ other euphemisms for smug sanctimony: ‘study the dead white men,’ ‘freedom from government.’"

Cassidy: Have you ever thought about having kids?
Munch: Why? I have you.

Munch: I don't want to just rain on your parade, i want to blow up all the balloons.

Alex: For future reference, if your client intimidates the informant in any way I will have his bail revoked and his ass thrown in Rikers for the duration of the trial.
Perp: You can't threaten me, [censored].
Alex: I just did.

John Munch: "Garden state" my ass. I guess "chemical capitol of the world" didn't have the same zing.

[after he lost on a game]
Munch: Damn it. I died.
[Fin grabs the controller]
Fin: Let me see me this.

Munch: Your Jew? Your Jew? How about I call you my BOY?
Fin: Then I'd be your boy, John!

Munch: And don't answer that phone. Anyone who calls an airline sits on hold 20 minutes, minimum, while being subjected to a Clockwork Orangian repetitive loop on the benefits of your awards program.
Reservations Agent: (annoyed) I believe that's your phone, sir.

AND my all-time FAVORITE:

fin: Why do we always get stuck looking for the needle in the haystack?
munch: Yeah, it's reminds me of the Easter egg hunts of my youth.
fin: Your family's Jewish, you guys don't hide eggs.
munch: I know, all those mindless hours of searching.

Wow!! You have a lot of good quotes there.

And the funny part is, I know what episode most of them are from.

idk if anyone has posted this quote yet but ohwell its not my favorite but its soooo funny i think. it goes somethin like this

(elliot flirting with Dr. Hendricks)
Olivia talkin to elliot: i kno ur on the rebound and everything, but if u could keep it out of work it would great.

K_La

Oh, wow, i_luv_svu, that was amasing. Thank you lots and lots for all the Munch quotes. I am simply in love with all of them.